Written By: Naomi Epps
“What’s the point in doing this when we both know it’s never going to work?” If your long distance relationship has reached this point of no return, it’s time you did something about it. Step one – think about what you really want. Continue seeing the guy? Break up? You really need to have a clear view of what you plan on doing next. You also need to have your boyfriend do the same, take some time to sort things out and then have a nice long and hopefully inspiring chat.
Should you decide to give your relationship a shot, there are things you can do, and it doesn’t all have to be hard and painful. It can be fun, elegant, and romantic much like the real deal, except for the distance. Here are 8 tips to help you move in the right direction.
Key 1: Draw the rules. If you want to make this work, you need to think of the rules you’re ready to follow and the lines that cannot be crossed. You need to determine if you’re allowed to see other people (NO!), you need to decide how often you’re going to visit one another or if only one of you is going to be doing all the traveling, and loads of other stuff. Make sure you stress the importance of having proper daily communication via phone, email or Skype. Once you are satisfied with the way this agreement turns out, print it and stick it on a wall. Just kiddin’! Though…Well, of course you need to respect every single step of the “romantic agreement”, or else things are prone to lead to disaster in a couple of months.
Key 2: It’s time to chat! Like stated before, communication is the key to the success of any relationship. He who holds the key holds happiness within his hands. So you need to really work on your social skills, become a chatty person if you’re not really used to talking a lot. Encourage your boyfriend to do the same and explain to him – nicely – that if conversations are pretty much all that you have for now, and if you don’t manage to say more than 2 words to one another on the phone, chances are you won’t be able to make it work. Plus, no decent relationship is going to last long if the two partners ignore communication – it’s common sense.
Key 3: Assumptions are the termites of relationships. Make sure you get rid of all the termites and always express your feelings, frustrations, desires and needs clearly to each other. It’s hard enough as it is to have a real relationship when you’re hundreds of miles apart, let alone when you’ve got something on your mind and you can’t pull yourself together to share it with your boyfriend. Lay all the cards on the table and never leave anything to the imagination – well, at least when it comes to serious stuff that needs to be talked about and explained.
Key 4: Reassure your partner you still love him. Even though it might not be necessary and things might be going smoothly between the two of you, it’s always a great idea to highlight the fact that you still care about and like or love your partner. Write it down in an email, text it, tweet it to him or say it during one of your Skype sessions.
Key 5: Give him the benefit of the doubt. And have him do the same. It’s hard to trust someone when he is miles away, good looking and charming, but you need to do it. And he needs to do it too. This is the first proof you really love the guy – when you’re able to sleep at night knowing he’s out partying, and being completely faithful to you.
Key 6: Wanna catch a movie? It’s extremely important to be able to share some activities while you’re not together. Does this make any sense? Well, it should, because it needs to become your own routine. Find a TV program you both love watching and watch it together – maybe stay logged into your Skype account and discuss the stuff you’re watching. You can do the same with Netflix, if you have a Netflix account and an Xbox 360 you can actually stream movies from Netflix to your Xbox and invite your boyfriend to watch them together with you in an Xbox live group.
Key 7: Guess who’s back? Speaking of surprises, you need to seriously consider all sorts of spontaneous surprises. Next time you visit him maybe try buying some romantic or funny gifts then secretly hide them somewhere in his house so that he won’t find them until after you’re gone, just make sure you keep that flame burning girl.
Key 8: Don’t skip your carefully planned dates. Even though something unexpected occurs and you need to cancel a date on a weekend, make sure you do everything in your power to prevent this from happening. Maybe ask one of your friends or colleagues to help you out, or postpone the event until a later time. Missing a scheduled date you and your long distance boo has planned will definitely send all the wrong signals. You need to make sure your partner understands just how important his presence is, he also needs to understand that the time you spend together means the world to you.
You need to do everything in your power to come up with the best strategies that will save your long distance relationship, provided this is something that you both want. Remember there are guys who are very satisfied with cheating on the women in their lives, and a long distance relationship just won’t work. If a guy shows signs of backing out, he’s very likely playing you, or your relationship is going down the drain because you just couldn’t spend enough time to really make it work.