Written By: Naomi Epps
Ending an affair is never easy. Getting involved in an affair is usually the result of physical or psychological attraction between two people, when at least one of them is already involved in another relationship. So something truly strong and powerful could be connecting two people who are involved in an affair – but what exactly can break this powerful spell and bring the affair to its often times bitter end? Here are 6 easy steps you could follow, if you find yourself in the position of having to end such an affair:
Step 1: Make your decision a final one. This is one of the hardest things you are going to have to do. Deciding to end something that is very likely causing you a lot of pleasure and satisfaction can prove to be excruciating for most ladies and equally hurtful for the guy they are cheating with. But once the decision has been made, you are going to have to stick to it and you are going to have to be truly firm about it. Do not turn soft at the end of the road, do not back down and do not forget all the reasons why you should go on with your decision to end the affair.
Step 2: Make sure you say your goodbyes. This is yet another highly important and often times difficult step of the process. You are going to have to either do it in person or use an email or a phone call. Whatever comes easier to you, you should do it, but I recommend in person to give your affair mate complete closure. Also, make it as clear as you can that you are 100% certain that you want to do it and that there is no going back. Let your lover know that it is as difficult for you as it probably is for him, but do be firm when saying your final goodbye. Do not leave room for interpretation, do not suggest that you are expecting your affair partner to come looking for you the moment you stop seeing him. Just stick to the plan and move forward, looking at the next steps you are going to have to take.
Step 3: Stop getting in touch with your former lover. Avoid getting involved in any sort of activities with the person you have been having an affair with and by all means do not call, email or text him. If you need to change your mobile number in order to avoid having him call you in the middle of the night, do it. If you need to change your IM or your Facebook page, do it also. Whatever tactics help you severe all connections with him should be used, no matter how difficult it might be at first.
Step 4: Make sure you gradually change your habits. If you used to meet your lover someplace for lunch or dinner, avoid going to those places at least for a while. Don’t risk bumping into him and try to avoid doing the things you would normally do together. All of these can prove to be bitter or painful reminders of what you used to have and from there to slipping back into his arms, the steps are tiny and easy to make. You need to be smarter and more determined than that.
Step 5: If you have a best friend, use him/her. Now would be the best time to come clean in front of your BFF and tell him or her all about your affair, if you haven’t done that already. Make sure your friends are going to support your decision of ending you affair instead of encouraging you to go through with it and find the help you really need. Either a sincere shoulder to cry on or a person to speak your mind to should help you get over the breakup faster.
Step 6: Start refocusing your attention on your current relationship. Ending an affair means you are of course involved in a serious relationship. So what you need to do next is try and fall in love with your partner all over again and rebuild what is left of your relationship. Sit down and talk to your partner and try to resolve whatever issue it was that drove you into the arms of another man in the first place.
You should never forget to cherish your dignity and self-respect while you are ending your affair. Remember that you could have hurt a lot of people should you have continued to be a part of the lying and deceiving process. So do the right thing and end what should have never started to begin with, and you should soon start to feel a lot more relieved and better about yourself. Of course there are also times when what started as a silly affair could be leading to something way more powerful and serious, and it could turn out to be a substitute for your current relationship. This is a critical aspect that also needs to be brought to the table. Some degree of sadness is of course only normal to experience upon ending an affair, but if you happen to notice that you cannot find your peace and happiness beside your initial partner anymore, maybe it’s just time that you end the relationship and move on. If your having a hard time figuring out if you should stay with your current partner or move on check out our book “Compatibility Test: 255 Questions Couples Should Ask Before Things Get Too Serious”