Are You Bargaining for Love?

Are You Bargaining for Love?

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Written By: Z.R. Moore

For some of us, finding love isn’t as easy as walking out your front door. Some people have to work a little harder than others for it. Is that because they’re less deserving, or is it because their love radar is a little off. Whatever the reason people do strange, and futile things to get the love they desire. One such thing is bargaining with a significant other for a relationship. Here are some ways to determine if you’re bargaining for love.

What is bargaining for love?

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Bargaining for love can be considered the same thing as compromising. However, the difference between regular compromising and bargaining is this. A compromise usually results in a win-win for both parties involved in the situation. Bargaining typically is more lopsided. You give, only to get very little in return. You’re simply selling yourself out, and selling yourself short just to have a relationship with someone. Here are some examples of bargaining for love:

  1. You know that he/she doesn’t really want to be with you so you make yourself completely available to their every beckon call hoping that they’ll throw a morsel of affection your way.
  2. You allow he/she to use you knowing that this person doesn’t have any respect for you.
  3. You don’t stand up for yourself in situations that warrant it, because you don’t want to risk making him/her mad at you. Their emotional bond with you is so frail that any little incident will expel them from your life permanently.
  4. They only call, or want to be around you when they need something.
  5. You allow them to take advantage of your resources, connections, and finances knowing this won’t change how he/she feels about you.
  6. You allow yourself to be used sexually by this person.
  7. You allow this person to lead you on by telling you lies.
  8. This person has other women/men that are more of a priority than you, and you still want to be with them.
  9. You find yourself giving and giving until you’ve exhausted everything you have including yourself, finances, and opportunities.
  10. This person tells you regularly that they don’t want a relationship with you, but you still try to form one with them regardless of to the negative consequences to you.

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Why is bargaining for love a bad thing?

This type of bargaining for love is a bad thing because it wreaks havoc on your self-esteem. Whatever self-esteem you had at the beginning of this situation you’ll certainly lose by the end of it, because all your actions diminish whatever value you have for yourself. People with very low self-esteem tend to find themselves in this situation. Since they don’t think that they deserve, or can get someone capable of respecting them, and loving them like they deserve, they settle for whatever they can get. Usually this means taking any disrespect from the object of their affection.

A relationship that is created this way is certainly doomed to fail. Respect is the foundation of trust and love. When both parties don’t have it, you end with a bad relationship. Bad relationships are horrible situations to be in, and sometimes can be extremely difficult situations to get out of. If you’re the kind of person who bargains for love you could benefit a lot by getting out of that situation, and working on your self-esteem. The higher your self-esteem is, the better your chances of finding the love you truly deserve, and desire.

Z.R. Moore is a professional life and relationship coach. For more information on this topic, and others please visit A Better You today.

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