He Lost Interest In You, Now What?

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Written By: Kristina Marchant

If your relationship has done a 180 and you are now pursuing the man you love instead of being adamantly pursued by him, I know exactly how you feel.  I dated a few guys who went from in love to missing in action.  If he lost interest in you, it’s still not too late—it wasn’t too late for me.

If you follow me online, you know that the man I’m with now was once a drifter.  He called me his miracle in the beginning of the relationship and then he didn’t call me at all.  I was able to save this relationship, unlike those few before him who also lost interest in me, because I learned a few things about men and love.

Here’s a powerful tip to help you gain back his interest now that he has lost interest in you:

If He Lost Interest, Sit On Your Hands To Regain His Love

In my past, when a man lost interest in me, I would start to panic.  I would do whatever I could to pull him toward me.  I would give him gifts, text him invites, offer to clean his house and help him sort out his emotional problems.  I become a mom, a buddy and a psychologist all wrapped up in one.  But what I didn’t become was his girlfriend again.

When you chase a man by becoming a shape-shifter for him (“I’ll shift into any role you need of me!”) you end up pushing him further away.  Shape-shifting has a waft of neediness and desperation and a man will sense that all your polite gestures aren’t free.  He will begin to feel manipulated and obliged to you and that’s smothering.

On the other hand, you can’t push him away either.  In my past, while I was pulling a man toward me by chasing him, I was also, at the same time, pushing him away with rejecting behavior.  I was so wrapped up in him and worried that he’d abandon me, any gesture he would make to come close and get to know me would be met with hesitation and a heap of nerves.

Instead of pull/push a man in the attempt to make him regain interest, it’s best to do what I call sitting on your hands.  Do nothing to chase him and focus instead on remaining still and calm and having welcoming energy oozing from an open heart.

Don’t call him or invite him places or give him gifts or cute “friendly” text messages, etc.  Just live your life, breathe, feel your feelings and when he contacts you, be welcoming and inviting. Listen to him, laugh with him and let him set the pace of the conversation.  Treat him like a casual friend who always brings a smile to your face when she calls you.

And also be honest; if it bothers you that he hasn’t called in a few days, tell him how you feel.   Say, “I feel sad and disregarded.  I don’t want to date a man who goes MIA for days.  It feels bad.”  Then refrain from any more words and see what he has to say.  Don’t let the silence make you uncomfortable—let him be on the spot and let him do the back-pedaling to get back in your good graces.

When you can stop “moving” in the relationship and just stay grounded, you will make a man feel that you are confident and stable.  This is attractive and will offer him the emotional room he needs to realize why he loves you.

If you like this love advice, visit my blog, ConnectWithHisHeart.com to learn exactly how to bring a drifting man back to you.  The beautiful thing about love is that it can be rekindled quickly and fairly easily, with a lot less work than you are currently doing.

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