8 Things That Are Stopping You From Finding A Good Man

Posted by in Black Love Advice

“All the single ladies, all the single ladies… Up in the club, we just broke up, I’m doing my own little thang.”

You’re probably starting to hear the lyrics in your head right now, right? Your hips start to move and your thoughts go wild, thinking about last Saturday night and your crazy girls’ night out.

Not having a man isn’t really the end of the world now, is it? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, everybody’s telling you that. And, after all, being single is awesome, right? Well, sure, it can be. But for most people only for a limited amount of time, and only for a few strong imdividuals who don’t mind hugging their pillow while going to sleep night after night…

So how can the rest of you ladies find your “good man” and what on Earth prevents you from doing so?

Let’s start here…

1. You pretend to be someone else around men.

I have a really good friend of mine who seemed to be born to be wild. Or so she thought. She seemed to have a “Next” flier pinned on her, and men came and went out her revolving door like crazy. Most of them were married, engaged or about to be (and she was never on the top of their lists). She always bragged about not wanting a serious relationship, up until one day when reality slapped her in the face. She realized she had been putting up a front when around men. She struggled to put her best face on, she said and did things that were not at all in her character, and the men in her life always had a nose for her fakeness. This is why the “good” men never approached her, and her only lovers were men who also lied and cheated.

8 Things That Are Stopping You From Finding A Good Man

2. You don’t know yourself.

Most men like women who are strong, determined and know what they want in life. If you’re not mature enough to be thinking about yourself, your own desires, aspirations, wishes and needs, you can’t expect to find a man who can fulfill your dreams. If you look in the mirror and you don’t know the person you see, it’s a great idea to take some time to do some deep thinking and postpone your hunt for a good man for a while.

3. You don’t know where to look.

Simply going to clubs or bars and trying to hook up with the man you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with is not enough. You might be the type of lady who hates clubs or crowded places, cigarettes or alcohol. But you continue to go out, crossing your fingers, doing your best to look good and feeling disappointed the very next morning. If clubs and bars are not really your thing, start going to parks, museums and art galleries. Your chances of finding a man sharing your interests will increase the moment you decide to visit the places you actually enjoy.

8 Things That Are Stopping You From Finding A Good Man

4. You have “I’m single and desperate!” written all over you.

Remember, men are from mars and women are from Venus. Whenever you engage in a conversation, make sure you don’t seem like you’re desperate to find a decent man. Learn to control yourself and always place yourself on a high pedestal. You might be single, but you should never be desperate. Remember, everything happens for a reason so there’s no need to be desperate.

5. You’re a cheater.

If your main excuse is you haven’t found the perfect man yet and you like to constantly be on the look, think again. Cheating and never giving the man beside you a chance is one of the biggest mistakes you could make. Keep your head on your shoulders and really check out the person sitting in front of you with the uttermost degree of objectivity. If you feel like you are not compatible for a number of important reasons, tell him how you feel and break it off before things get too complicated.

8 Things That Are Stopping You From Finding A Good Man

6. You’re all about the money.

Try to first build your career, and earn your own living, forget about finding a man willing to support you. No good man is ever going to be attracted by a woman who’s only interested in the number of zeros on his paychecks. Forget about going to the mall and asking him to buy you all the expensive clothes and jewels you want, and then expect him to stick around for a really long time.

And if he does stick around for a while remember that in his mind you were purchased like he would purchase a new car, and guess what happens when people get tired of something they bought? They go and buy something else, so remember a man that buys your affection will go and buy another woman’s affection when he gets tired of you.

8 Things That Are Stopping You From Finding A Good Man

7. You get mad each time he doesn’t get your body language.

Ladies men are not psychics, they do not read minds and from time to time they have a really hard time reading our body language. So give the man in your life a second chance whenever he gets on your nerves; he might just be the perfect man you’re looking for. Patience is a great virtue, make sure you possess it.

8. You never listen to him.

Men like to share their thoughts and feelings every now and then. Make sure you really listen to what they have to say, whenever they feel like doing some opening up. Don’t emasculate them, don’t laugh about their insecurities, and encourage them to share their thoughts. Show them the respect they deserve and they will definitely treat you the way you deserve.


All in all, there are a lot of mistakes you’re probably making as we speak, but that’s ok you live and you learn, nobody’s perfect. Make peace with yourself, really grow to love yourself, determine your exact expectations in terms of men and never settle for anything less than the best.

Tags: , , , , ,