Infidelity, cheating, an affair…
Whatever you call it, it’s usually the result of some level of relationship dissatisfaction combined with emotional or physical attraction between two people with at least one of them being already involved in a relationship.
Often, as the spell of the affair wears thin one of the individuals in the affair begins to feel guilty. They realize they love the person they’re in a relationship with, and they shouldn’t be cheating.
They want to end the affair, but it’s hard.
Regardless of if they admit it or not they have become a bit attached to the person they’ve been engaged in the affair with.
But they know it has to end… Before they get caught… Before they lose the person they love.
So how can they do it?
How can they end the affair before it’s too late and not relapse back to their affair partner when their real relationship inevitably hits a rough patch again?
It’s not as hard as you may think if you follow this step by step action plan.
Here’s how to end an affair in 6 simple steps before you lose the person you love.
Step 1: Make your decision final.
This is one of the hardest things you are going to have to do in this process.
Deciding to end an affair that is very likely causing you a lot of pleasure and satisfaction can prove to be excruciating for most people, and equally hurtful for the person they are cheating with.
Regardless of if it was your goal or not, an attachment has been formed.
But it’s time to break it.
Once your decision to end your affair has been made it has to be final.
No looking back. No thinking “what if.” You have to firmly stand on your decision to end the affair if you want to save your relationship with your spouse.
It will be tough in the beginning. But that’s when it’s time for you to remember all the reasons why you ended the affair, and why you shouldn’t travel back down that road.
Step 2: Make sure you say your goodbyes.
This is yet another highly important but often difficult step of the process of ending an affair.
But it’s 100% necessary.
You can either do it in person, email, or phone call.
Whatever comes easiest to you, you should do it.
However, I recommend breaking it off through a phone call.
It will give you and your affair partner closure and leave no opportunity for one last intimate encounter while you are both in a highly charged emotional state.
Also, make it as clear as possible to your affair partner that it is 100% over and there is no turning back.
It may be difficult, but you must be firm in your goodbyes.
Don’t leave room for interpretation.
You don’t want your affair partner to come looking for you or blowing up your phone thinking there might be a chance for reconciliation.
Now that you’ve ended it let’s move on to the step you’ll need to take to successfully end your affair and save your relationship.
Step 3: Avoid all contact and don’t get in touch for any reason.
After you break it off, it’s absolutely imperative that you avoid contact as much as possible… Preferably all contact…
However, I do understand that most affairs start in the workplace so eliminating all contact might not be possible unless you change jobs.
With that being said, don’t call, don’t text, unfriend them on social media, and if you do come in contact, you should be nice but give them the cold shoulder.
Basically, keep it all business and reject any advances.
It should be clear that you no longer have even the slightest interest in reigniting the affair.
If you need to change your phone number to avoid having the person you were cheating with calling and texting you randomly, do it.
If you need to change your email address or social media accounts, do that also.
Whatever it takes to severe all connections with them should be done.
Step 4: Make sure you gradually change your habits.
If you used to meet your secret lover someplace for lunch or dinner, avoid going to those places, at least until the affair is no longer fresh in your memory.
You don’t want to risk bumping into the person you were having an affair with, and you don’t want to conjure up nostalgic memories that could tempt you to reignite the affair.
Step 5: If you have a best friend… It’s time to come clean…
Now would be the best time to come clean to your best friend about your affair if you haven’t already done so.
Just make sure your friend is going to support your decision of ending the affair instead of encouraging you to continue it.
Beware though. Only reveal this secret to a friend or family member you trust not to ever reveal it.
If you doubt their trust for any reason, don’t tell them.
It will only lead to your spouse eventually finding out about the affair.
When ending an affair though, you will possibly need a shoulder to cry on, and you’ll definitely need someone to vent to.
This will allow you to quickly get over ending the affair by helping you sort through your thoughts and feelings.
Step 6: Start refocusing on your relationship.
Ending an affair means you are of course involved in a serious relationship that you don’t want to end.
So what you need to do next is figure out what it is that lead you to the affair.
Was it arguments? An unfulfilling sex life? Boredom? Feeling unappreciated?
It’s time to repair whatever issues you’ve had with your partner so that you can build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.
Below are a few resources to help you do that:
- How To Get Your Rocky Relationship Back On Track In Under A Month!!!
- Men vs Women: 6 Tactics to End Miscommunication
- How to Stop an Argument in Its Tracks
- 5 Signs Your Relationship Is Falling Victim To “Grass Is Greener Syndrome”
- The 8 Stages of Relationships: Which One Are You In?
- 5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Improve Your Relationship
You should never forget to cherish your dignity and self-respect while you are ending an affair.
Remember that you could have hurt a lot of people should you have continued to be a part of this secret life you were leading.
So do the right thing and end what should had never begun in the first place.
It’s the right decision.
Soon you should be relieved of the guilt I’m sure you’re feeling, and you’ll be more able to focus on improving your relationship.
With that being said, let’s explore the other side of the coin.
Of course, there are circumstances when what started as an affair has blossomed into something more, and you realize you’re more compatible with the person you’re having an affair with than the person you’re in a relationship with.
Which has lead you to want to pursue a real relationship with your affair partner.
This is a critical aspect that also needs to be considered.
Some degree of sadness is normal to experience upon ending an affair, but if you notice that you can’t find peace and happiness beside your initial partner anymore, maybe it’s just time that you end the relationship and move on.
If you’re having a hard time deciding whether you should stay with your current partner or split up, check out our post “Compatibility Test: 255 Simple but Significant Questions for Couples”
It will help you determine the future of your relationship.