Availability. How much is too much?

Availability. How much is too much?

Posted by in Black Love Advice

For some time I have been single in my young life, 5 years to be exact, I have never forced myself into anything that was not a natural attraction. However, I have noticed that since being “available” you have a certain scent if you will to men.

I would say they can sniff out the length or period of time since you’ve been “loved” and most definitely can sense the last time you had male conversation, which would mean they know that you are available. It would just be common manners to simply laugh at a joke, look engaged and attentive in the conversation, or just simply seem interested. How does that reek desperation? Personally, for myself I do feel like I give off that impression if I am too honest with my feelings I tend to say what comes to mind and I am aware that may come off too strong. In addition, I do not date much and when I do like someone it’s serious to me but usually not that way for the other person.

As a female I naturally plan things. I plan my birthdays, vacations, goals, and even outfit for work the next day. Unfortunately, I happen to do the same thing in relationships which tends to be the hole in my proverbial love boat. We have been told from society that love will find us when we least expect it, and all we have to do is be ourselves. What if our natural selves are coming across as too available because we put all our time and thoughts on someone we like, but that makes the other party uninterested? I cannot plan how the other person will feel about me in the long run all I can do is hope that this time will be it for me, that he will be the one. Isn’t it possible for a single woman to just acknowledge her feelings and let it be known what she is looking for, or does that mean she is coming off too strong and she is too available?

The only way to gain insight on my generations way of dating I asked Devin Brown, a 24 year old graduate student for personal and honest insight; his response was, “It is very attractive for a woman to speak her mind in the beginning stages of us first getting to know one another, but if you are insisting on calling or reaching out to me before I can even have a chance to say hello back I’m immediately turned off, I need space and a bit of mystery to keep me interested. I don’t want to figure you out in a matter of a week.”

To translate that statement into a way all women can identify with is don’t be an open book and to make him earn to know more about you. In essence, maybe I am too available or maybe I just wear my heart on my sleeve. Either way seems like I clearly have a lot more to learn about the basic elements of dating and protecting your feelings in 2013.

Pray for me everyone.

About the author: Patrice J. Simpson is a freelance journalist, blogger, and active volunteer.  After graduating with a degree in mass communications from Paine College, Patrice began work on community service initiatives with other motivated individuals, where she grew in the understanding of the youth of today and since then flourished in the initiative called Project P.U.S.H. Aside from community service projects, Patrice talks about work life, music she loves, spiritual growth, and great upcoming events at her blog St8teofMind. Patrice is a loving spirit who enjoys traveling with her best friends, baking, and entertainment activities in Downtown Atlanta. She has a passion for arts and crafts, tropical beaches, upcoming sales and thrift stores, visiting historic places, Olive Garden, and basically all the glorious wonders that Atlanta has to offer single women with an awesome pair of heels. Find here on Twitter @PattyNOLabelle.

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