Should I get a divorce? Are you mulling over that question?
Well, the answer is that it depends…
Divorces are usually stressful, hurtful, depressing, and they can even lower your self-esteem for a variety of reasons.
If you decide to get a divorce, you will likely feel partly to blame even if you weren’t the true villain in the relationship.
Even if infidelity caused the divorce, you will likely still feel at least partly responsible for the way things unfolded.
With that being said… Let’s get back to the question that is plaguing your mind: Should I get a divorce?
In my opinion, divorce should only be a last resort option.
If you are currently on the brink of filing divorce papers and are not certain if you should throw in the towel on your marriage just yet, check out these signs that you shouldn’t.
Here are 7 signs that your marriage is still worth saving. If you don’t see them, then it’s likely time to contact a divorce lawyer.
Relationships can get crazy sometimes. Not only are we trying to nurture a bond but we also have to deal with outside stressors like trouble at work, bad weather, issues with family and friends. Once you throw in raising children and the unavoidable arguments that are sure to happen from time to time in relationships it can all quickly become too much to handle.
With all of these things pushing against your marriage, it’s no wonder so many people end up making the decision that they want a divorce.
In reality, your marriage has become the lightning rod for every negative thing that is currently happening in your life.
That’s why spur of the moment divorce decisions that occur in the midst of a difficult period in your life should always be held off and reanalyzed after your stress levels normalize and the things stressing you outside of your marriage are no longer an issue.
Side Note: One external stressor that leads to a large number of divorce filings is the holiday season. This has lead many divorce lawyers and legal experts to dub the first Monday of the new year as “Divorce Day” because of the surge of calls they receive from men and women that are ready to end their marriages.
If you’re one of the men or women that have allowed the stress of the holidays to push your marriage to the brink, I advise you to avoid contacting a divorce lawyer until at least after Valentine’s Day. This will give you both time to calm down from the stress of the holidays and to give yourselves a chance to reconnect over Valentine’s Day. The most romantic day of the year.
2. You can’t identify and clearly, explain the primary reasons you want a divorce.
If you just happen to wake up one day and decide you want a divorce, think long and hard about what’s causing this feeling.
What could be triggering such an urge to take on such a life-altering decision? Have you recently gotten into an intense argument with your spouse? Are there more serious issues in your marriage like cheating, controlling behavior, or abuse?
If you can’t clearly identify and explain to yourself WHY you want a divorce, then it’s likely not the best decision to make… At least not at that point.
Getting a divorce is not always the best solution – Instead, try to talk things over with your husband. Express what you’re unhappy with in your marriage and start working on solutions. Here are a few tips on how to have this kind of talk productively.
3. You haven’t expressed the things that are bothering you to your husband.
As the saying goes: A closed mouth doesn’t get fed.
If you haven’t expressed your grievances to your husband how can you expect him to make the changes necessary to resolve them?
If you haven’t spoken your piece and given him time to try to fix things, then you shouldn’t file for divorce.
Try putting your thoughts on paper. Take all the time you need, take a deep breath and reflect on the things that have made you contemplate divorce.
Then express to him these things and the depths at which you feel about them.
Don’t hold back in telling him how bad of shape you feel your marriage is in right now and what you think could be done to save your marriage.
Words can prove to be the most effective anti-divorce weapon there is. However, if you don’t know how to properly communicate with each other in a way that conveys your messages and doesn’t lead to an argument, then you need an unbiased third party to mediate the situation.
Which brings me to the next sign that you shouldn’t file for divorce yet…
Even though you might have never felt the need to go to a marriage counselor before, you should definitely contact one before you contact a divorce lawyer.
Marriage counselors have the right kind of training and experience to help you both begin to understand each other and begin to heal the damage that has been caused to your marriage.
Scheduling a few sessions with a qualified marriage counselor is a wise decision to make before filing for divorce.
As long as you go to your counseling sessions with an open heart and the desire to fix things it can undoubtedly turn things in your marriage around.
5. You are still waiting for the perfect man.
Ladies, it’s time to wake up. There is no such thing as the “Perfect man.”
Try Mister Right instead.
And your Mister Right is probably sitting on your living room sofa, drinking beer, and watching a football game.
It is incredibly easy to fall into the trap of creating all sorts of fantasies about the ideal and – I hate to break it to you – non-existent perfect man.
No one is perfect, and there is always a trade-off.
Let me say that again: NO ONE IS PERFECT, AND THERE IS ALWAYS A TRADE-OFF.
Decide if what you already have is enough to keep you pleased for a lifetime and only file for a divorce if you know for a fact that he’s not the right man for you.
6. You have stopped touching.
Yes, I am talking about non-sexual touching, the kind that involves holding hands or massaging each other’s shoulders. You might feel like the last thing you want to do is touch your soon to be ex-husband.
But try this trick before you go to court: Sit next to him while watching TV and let your bodies innocently touch. Later on, try holding hands. Then, try to spoon in bed. If there is even an ounce of love between the two of you, this should cause your Oxytocin levels to rise, which will make you feel closer to each other.
In many cases, the root of the problem is that neither spouse out of anger, pride, or fear of rejection has broken the ice and made the first towards closeness.
This tactic is definitely worth a try.
Close your eyes right now and imagine it. Imagine him hugging and kissing another woman. If you felt an uneasiness in your heart when you thought of him loving another person, you’re not ready for a divorce.
Stop reading this article now and go fix your marriage.
Deciding to get a divorce should be a decision that is taken very seriously and only looked at as a last resort.
Carefully go through each of these pieces of advice and remember that a divorce is not always the best solution. If it can be avoided, it should be avoided. If it can’t… File for divorce and try to get the proceedings handled as quickly and as amicably as possible.