There’s a moment of heartbreak after any significant relationship turns to ashes, but rather than wallow in self-pity and lest you want to become a bitter lifetime member of the Broken Hearts Club…get over it. That may sound harsh, patronizing or even insensitive to anyone in the throes of the initial post-breakup stage, but it is simply a call-to-action for you to begin your metamorphosis. Then, we’ll talk about trying to fall in love again. Here’s how you can seize this opportunity to rise from the ashes stronger and move on from your last relationship.
Focus on YOU.
Many of us feel like the first thing we have to do after one relationship ends is to jump immediately into another one. This is the worst possible thing anyone can do. You’re likely still a hot-mess-of-a-trainwreck after your breakup; not exactly the state-of-mind recommended for anyone dipping their feet back into the dating pool. It’s been said that “if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else”, so rather than finding someone new right now, take some time to focus on YOU.
First, re-evaluate who you are, what you’re doing and what you want to do with your life at this point in time. A bad breakup (particularly if you’re on the receiving end) can do quite a number on your self-esteem, so it’s important to remember that you still have a life outside of your previous relationship(s). Some people will seek from others the validation that they cannot give themselves, hence the need to always be in a relationship—all of which will inevitably fail as well because they still won’t be comfortable with themselves. Get ready to get comfortable.
Keeping up appearances.
Nothing seems to cure a newly broken heart quite like a makeover. Think of this as your new era and visualize yourself as you want to be. It’s important that you look your best as you try to feel your best. A makeover can give your confidence a proverbial shot of B12 (especially when you get a sultry stare or two after leaving the salon). Perhaps a few items on your Amazon wishlist will find their way into your shopping cart with overnight shipping to compliment your new look, too.
Set your goals.
Use this newfound energy to kickstart your goals. You’re sans-partner now and out of the relationship game until further notice. You can do anything you want. Whether it’s getting fit, finishing school, starting or advancing your career, or travelling the world, this independence is a step in your next direction, regardless of chance, choices or possible consequences. Achieving your goals will take up much of your time and energy, which doesn’t leave any time to dwell on your former relationship.
Everyone wants to live well, be fit and eat a healthy diet. Unfortunately, many people experience depression after a traumatic romantic breakup, and some can fall into a rather unsavoury lifestyle, such as drowning the sorrowful remnants of their last relationship in some pints of either ice cream or alcohol. It may be tempting, but don’t fall into the post-breakup Dark Side.
Instead, redirect any negativity brought on by thoughts of your last relationship towards keeping yourself healthy. If you’re not healthy, you can’t reach your goals. A change in lifestyle can help you explore more about yourself and discover new ideas, interests and even people, which is important if you plan on moving on.
Find a hobby.
If you’re like the many of us who’ve ever sworn off love after a failed relationship, you probably also tend to think about the relationship in retrospect. This will only drive you crazy. Find a hobby to keep you busy so you can focus on something interesting, different, or new to keep your mind from wandering back to your last relationship.
What kind of hobby you choose is up to you. (No, you’re not limited to crocheting.) Through this rebirth experience, you should have a better idea of who you are and what you’re into, and everybody has different strokes. You might like knitting quirky sweaters or swimming with sharks. You might want to learn calligraphy or how to swallow flaming swords. Who knows? (Technically, only you do.)
Depending on your lifestyle and situation at the moment, when you are ready (or think you’re ready) to move on from your last relationship, you must come forth with a new mindset, particularly if you were in a long-term relationship (LTR) or marriage and have been out of the dating scene for some time. You could go either the old-school or online dating route. Whatever you’re more comfortable with.
Online dating culture has evolved greatly since the days of meeting in AOL chat rooms. The more savvy, progressive women of the Internet Age are finding empowerment in the online dating scene, through social dating sites we can control who we meet from behind the veil of an online persona (keep it secret, keep it sexy)
Whether online or offline eventually you will meet someone. It will take some time and effort to get back to being yourself and you’ll be all the more stronger for not having been derailed by a broken former relationship. You’re good. Do your thing.
Losing you was his loss, not yours.
About the Author: Sam Jones is a writer for the popular relationship and dating advice site RelationshipSurgery.com. Visit now for more expert advice.