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My Boyfriend Cheated On Me… Now What???

Posted by in Black Love Advice

“My boyfriend cheated on me, now what?”

That’s one of the most painful and difficult questions you could ever have to answer.

On the one hand, they say “Once a cheater always a cheater.” But on the other hand, they say “forgive and forget.”

But when you find out the person you love has shattered your trust by cheating on you it’s not that simple.

In almost a blink of an eye, all rational thought is lost in a cloud of pain and heartbreak.

So what should you do? Forgive and forget, or leave him and never look back?

Some of your friends and family members may be telling you that all men cheat. It’s in their DNA.

I for one don’t believe that.

You might also have people around you telling you that if your boyfriend has cheated on you, it probably means that you did something wrong to cause it… Somehow, it’s your fault…

Well, I’m telling you right now that that’s bullshit.

You didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and I highly doubt that anything you did caused him to do something so hurtful and selfish.

Cheating is a choice made by the cheater. It is in no way fair to blame the victim.

So what I want you to do right now is…

Tune those people out and focus on how you feel and your own knowledge of the situation.

Whether you are ready to forgive, forget, move on, or break up and never look back is entirely up to you.

Each relationship is unique, and therefore circumstances will undoubtedly be different. There is no universal answer to the question “My boyfriend cheated on me. Now, what?”

What you could and should do, however, is take as much time as you need and think real hard about what’s best for you emotionally.

If there are no children involved, things should be simple if you choose to break things off with him.

If there are children involved, things can be a bit more complicated. However, I in no way recommend that you stay in a relationship that tears down your self-esteem for the sake of the children.

Your kids need a mother that is happy, confident, and in a healthy relationship if she chooses to be in a relationship.

Staying with a man that continues to cheat on you is a mistake no matter the circumstance.

But… If you feel like there’s hope… And he might actually change, the next logical thought is…

He cheated on me but I think I’m going to stay with him… Am I making the right decision?

So, you’re leaning towards forgiving your boyfriend and staying with him and you’re wondering if that’s a good or bad decision?

Well, before you settle on that decision, I want you to take a look at these statistics:

  • 57% of men admit to cheating in a relationship. (Source)
  • 31% of marriages survive after an affair has been discovered or admitted to. (Source)
  • 44% of men admit to having 6 or more affairs. Making them serial cheaters. (Source)
  • 56% of husbands who admitted cheating said they were happy with their marriages. (Source)

As you can see from these stats, forgiving a cheater does come with risk.

Many of them never change, make no mistake, for that person to not cheat again will likely be an uphill battle… But with that being said, it is possible.

The first thing to do if you decide to forgive him is to ask him for an explanation.

Why did he cheat in the first place? What was the thing that triggered his actions?

And more importantly… Does he regret cheating? Does he feel like you are responsible for his cheating in any way?

What you are looking for is for him to take responsibility and own his actions. If he tries to downplay how wrong he was, or put the blame on you in any way, then it’s clear: He hasn’t learned his lesson, and you shouldn’t take him back.

However, regardless of how he answers the previous questions, it’s important not to get into a heated argument while discussing these things with him.

That will only cause a deeper divide in the relationship.

Chances are, he is trying to explain himself the best way he can. If he seems remorseful, and you think you can trust him again, it might be worth giving reconciliation a try.

Just take your time, hear him out, really listen to what he’s saying. Don’t make the mistake so many people make of only hearing what they want to hear.

If he’s not remorseful, then he’s not remorseful. If he sees no wrong in his actions, no amount of arguing or yelling can change that.

To ensure you don’t make this mistake spend a few days alone to carefully analyze the discussion and decide if you’re indeed making the right decision.

If after giving it some thought you feel like granting him a second chance is the right thing to do, then do it.

Just listen to your heart carefully. It won’t lie to you.

I have to warn you, though…

If you feel that you will never be able to trust him again, then it’s best that you end the relationship.

It’s very unhealthy to be caught up in a relationship where you constantly have to keep an eye on your partner or scrutinize everything they say to determine if they are telling the truth.

For lack of a better way of putting it…

My Boyfriend Cheated On Me... Now What???

Lol, seriously, though. If you feel like trusting him again won’t be an issue you should still take things slow.

Try to rediscover the things you love about him, and he should do the same.

You two could have a great future together if you’re both willing to work to repair the relationship.

Let time heal your wounds, embrace each other. Teach yourself how to forgive him one day at a time.

Don’t expect things to go back to normal overnight. It will take time for the memory to fade and the pain to subside.

It will also take time for him to regain your trust… No matter how sorry he is.

Your boyfriend should understand this and make it his goal to prove himself to you going forward.

Side Note: Whatever you do, don’t engage in revenge cheating. Studies have shown that 14% of women have revenge affairs after taking back a cheating lover. This is wrong and will only lead to an irreversible breakup or trigger a cycle of unfaithfulness on both sides.

Conclusion

Of course, these are just a few tips to consider. As I stated at the beginning of this article, not all couples and circumstances are the same.

Remember, though, just because you aren’t perfect, (newsflash, no one is perfect) does not justify your boyfriend cheating on you.

You are going to have to carefully and closely consider the actual reasons and explanations as to why the cheating occurred in the first place.

Take time to think things over, try to determine if he’s truly remorseful or not. And most of all, listen to your heart. Your gut instincts are usually right.

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