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The Shadow Of The Previous Marriage: Don’t Let Your Ex Ruin Your Present Relationship!

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Although this notion is speculative at best, ex partners can cause a lot of trouble down the road. We all have our “dirty clothes” lying around the hamper of life – and we usually share those with our friends, family and spouses. The psychological ramifications of such a thing can pose a risk; like some ill-willed person exploiting these things for personal benefit! But if you are sure and secure with your current life and partner there is nothing that you should be worrying about. In fact, once you have gone through all the perils of marriage, you can abstain from making the same mistakes twice. But people are people, and people are often vindictive and would do everything in their power to ruin someone else’s hopes and dreams. Having a vengeful ex can sure put a lot of strain on a person’s new relationship, especially if you don’t see it coming.

Know yourself.

The one thing that your ex knows better than anything else about you, is how to push your buttons. For you to completely detach yourself from your ex, both mindfully and emotionally, you must figure out your own personal weaknesses and be aware of what can trigger a negative response. Are you quick to anger? Do you hate profanity and foul language? It is easy to be annoyed by someone who you’ve loved and cared for, and who basically knows all your misdeeds. Make an effort to change yourself, to look at the world from a new perspective, and to know that nothing anyone does can stand in your way. If you are confronted by a mean spirited ex, and you start getting angry and frustrated beyond your ability to control your emotions, simply take a couple of deep, long breaths and walk away as quickly and quietly as you can. This is by no means a sign of weakness, running away, or anything like that. The fact that you are getting angry shows that you still care about what that person has to say – at least at some primal level. And it is this emotional attachment that gives power to haters and bullies. Also, when people get angry they lose all their inhibitions – making them especially vulnerable to psychological attacks.

Know your ex.

Once you have come to terms with what gets your blood boiling, it is time to analyze your ex and figure out what it is that makes him seek revenge. Usually, it is the party which filed for the divorce that bears the burden of being hated. First of all you have to figure out the reason behind this vindictive behavior – is it the kids; property; alimony? Once you do that you can move on to discussing possible resolutions that will make both parties happy. Do you have custody of the children? Be sure to let your ex see the kids as much as he likes! Otherwise you can find yourself in a difficult predicament, where you have been planning a dream vacation for weeks, only to break it off once your ex informs you that he “can’t” take care of the children on that particular date.

Keep the past in the past.

Whether or not your ex ruins your current relationship is entirely up to you! If you decide to live in the past, you are doomed to make the same mistakes all over again. Don’t compare your current relationship to the previous one. Each new partner you have is unique in their own way. Don’t impose expectations and whatever you do, don’t make enemies with your ex. Trust me, it is going to be a losing war for both of you.

Photo Courtesy Of BBCworldservice

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