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How To Stop Your Romantic Past From Ruining Your Romantic Future

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Warning: If you don’t like to hear the cold hard truth, stop reading this.

Now for those of you who stayed with me let’s get into it. Continuing to be a slave to your romantic past, letting it haunt every new relationship you start, and unconsciously refusing to be happy is unhealthy.

If you find yourself tied down by the mayhem that your past failed relationships have created, it is time to do something about it. Stop assuming all the blame for what went wrong. Start accepting the fact that not all relationships are meant to work and try to identify some sort of pattern that is likely subconsciously leading you to engage in bad relationships.

Ladies, it is not always a matter of bad luck; you sometimes choose to date the same type of men over and over again, even though deep down you already feel the inevitable is about to happen: Another bad relationship, another lonely night of crying, another broken heart.

It is not uncommon for relationships that have failed in the past to leave scars on your present or future romantic encounters. And the sad truth is that you could be the smartest, most successful, most attractive woman on the planet. But no one but you can guarantee that you aren’t going to keep getting entangled in bad relationships.

Playing the ‘It wasn’t meant to be’ or the ‘Better luck next time’ cards every time this happens to you isn’t the solution to your problems. Sure it might be easier to blame the Universe for all the heartbreak that you have been through. But the truth is that your own decisions are probably what lead you to broken hearts and failed relationships.

If you would like for your bad relationships to stop influencing your present or future ones, start by pulling out the magnifying glass people hate to direct to themselves and carefully analyze what went wrong. Was it the way you or your partner used to fight? Was he a no good man that you shouldn’t have dated in the first place? Was it your jealousy that ultimately led to your breakup? What else is there to blame? Figure it out. The sooner, the better.

Once you decide what went wrong with your last relationship, it is time to move on to your previous relationships and try to identify some sort of pattern. Are you always cheating or the one who gets cheated on? Do you express too much jealousy? Are you involved with married men or guys you don’t have a lot of things in common with just for the sake of not being alone? These are some questions whose answers might hurt. But you need to be 100% honest with yourself when answering them. This is the only trick in the book that is going to help you move forward and stop living in the past.

Once you are all done with assessing your past, it is time to carefully consider what you would like your future to look like. Decide what are the qualities that your future partner should possess and figure out what sort of traits you refuse to accept in a partner ever again. Learning from your past mistakes and failed relationships should be at the top of your list if you ever want to find happiness.

Now it’s time to move on…

Stop doubting yourself and your capacity to find a good man. You do have what it takes to love and be loved. Stop repeatedly asking yourself what went wrong and why can’t you be happy again. It is utterly exhausting and it won’t lead to anything positive or constructive. Instead, repeat to yourself that all relationships need to be worked on by two individuals and that not everything that happened in the past should automatically be pinned to you.

Finally, don’t force yourself into another relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. All breakups need a certain amount of time to be truly forgotten or gotten over, and if you speed things up for the wrong reasons, you will only be entering the same vicious cycle all over again.

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