Let me start by saying I am and have always been a very outgoing person. I think I am attractive, outgoing, never trashy just fun. What can I say, I enjoy having a good time. It has always been one of my assets until two months ago when I started dating a new guy. Now my outgoing personality has become a constant source of arguments, at least for him. I just don’t understand. The only thing that is different about me is him, and on top of that he’s being a hypocrite. The guy who was the biggest flirt in the night club when I met him, is calling me out for being who I’ve always been?
He did not meet an uptight church mouse when he met me, but all of a sudden he wants to change me, and I’m not down with that.
I don’t think I’ve done anything to make him feel so insecure. Besides, when we’re out he still acts like he’s Mr. Mack Daddy. Commenting on the waitress outfit, asking her to “bring another round honey,” and I don’t start accusing him of anything.
I keep assuring him I’m with him and no one else. Two months in and I’m looking for advice, what’s next? Innocent flirting is just that, innocent flirting, I always go home to him. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance, innocent flirting isn’t wrong, is it?
Question answered By BlackLoveAdvice.com staff writer Quentin Witt.
I hate to tell you, but yes, it is absolutely wrong for the BOTH of you to be flirting with other men and women, especially in each other’s faces. And I have a good feeling that you, and your boyfriend are both smart enough to know this. The blatant flirting will cause a lack of trust and suspicion to creep into your relationship, and trust is 100% needed for any relationship to survive over the long term.
The next issue is that one small step could likely lead to another seemingly small step, in the field of psychology this is known as perceptual contrast. What starts off as an innocent wink at a co-worker, turns into lunch together, a goodbye kiss on the cheek leads to a kiss on the lips a week later, and before you know it you’re in another man’s bed wondering how you got there. The answer will be is you got there because of the small steps that preceded. You would have never ended up in his bed if the prior “Innocent” actions of winking, lunch, and a kiss on the cheek did not occur.
They always say: “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” flirting very well could be the gateway drug that leads you to infidelity.
My suggestion is that you both sit down and talk, lay it all out on the table, agree to forgive each other if possible, and stop the flirting. If you both can’t agree to stop flirting with other people maybe you should both consider being single until you are truly ready to make the necessary sacrifices you have to make to be in a committed relationship.
I hope this answer helped you and any of our readers who might be facing a similar situation. For more information on perceptual contrast and other psychological tendencies that could be affecting your relationship without you even knowing it, .
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