Don't Over-Think, Just Remember Who You Are

Don’t Over-Think, Just Remember Who You Are

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Women… We are natural problem solvers. We like to analyse problems we encounter in life until we get a good grasp of them, and if we are honest, we often like to do the same thing to the men in our lives. The problems occur when we start over-thinking every little comment that they make, and every little thing they do, and then gradually he starts to become the main focus of your life. Worse, you begin questioning yourself, thinking about things like, “what happens if I mess things up?”

Over-thinking is not an unusual occurrence; it can happen very easily if you start to catch real feelings for a man. All you can think about is whether he might be thinking about you too, wondering if he misses you the same, and hoping that he’s anticipating seeing you again as much as you are him. You can’t resist telling your friends about him and how wonderful he is. It might not feel wrong to do this, but there are some important things that you need to know.

When you become so emotionally involved with a new man, you tend to lose energy for those other important things in your life. You know the day to day things that have, up until now, kept you going. These over-whelming and often intense feelings can sometimes diminish the attractive qualities that he first saw in you. Plus, you start worrying about how you will feel if the relationship doesn’t work out, and this fear can quickly eat away at you, dragging you down, instead of being an independent and carefree woman. You find yourself becoming insular and needy.

It may be very early in your relationship, and even though you feel that you have found the one, the man who is going to change your life going forward, do not stop being the person that he found so attractive.  Keep going out with friends, living your life, enjoying it to the fullest. This will keep you from getting overly committed before the relationship has grown to that point. You still have to live, and shouldn’t put your life on hold simply because you have met someone who potentially might become important. Key Word: Potentially.

If fear makes you clingy, you need to change your mindset quickly. Instead of you worrying about what might go wrong, he should be the one worried that he might lose you. This isn’t playing mind games; this is just ensuring that he sees your worth from the start. Too often men float through life dating women, without really giving them their full attention. They kind of expect the woman to be fully committed, loving, and caring as if it’s her job description. Knowing this I must ask: Why do you want to give up all that you have, your space, your heart, your time, your energy, for a relationship that might not work?


Often early over commitment in relationships comes from low self esteem, but that can be corrected fairly easily by remembering how good of a catch you are. Trust me, I’ve been there. When you are dating, and some of your relationships inevitably fail over the years, it’s hard for it not to impact your self-esteem, at least a little bit. But, you have to go back to basics, give your ego a boost if you find yourself dedicating every waking hour and thought to the new man in your life.

For any relationship to work, it’s important to not over-think things and to just take life as it comes. Just remember that he was attracted to the woman who had a full life prior to him, and while you can make room for him in your life, you still have to retain who you were before you met him.

About the author: Sarah Williams is a freelance writer who is passionate about psychology. After several relationships and many dates, she would like to share her honest female perspective about dating with you at

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