How to Stop Loving an Abuser and Get Out Of an Abusive Relationship (How to get out of an abusive relationship)

How to Stop Loving an Abuser and Get Out Of an Abusive Relationship

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Abuse comes in many forms. It can be physical, but it can also be emotional. An abusive person is someone who may call you names and make you feel worthless, puts you down and tries to control you. They can also be an individual who hurts you physically.

Regretfully I must say, I grew up watching my mother and other family members endure both kinds of abuse. Without a doubt in my mind, they are both equally as harmful. If I could turn back the hands of time and give these women, I love dearly some advice I would first say, “Admitting it to yourself is the first step, and often the hardest.”

It’s human nature, there’s nothing wrong with you, sometimes we get caught up loving people we shouldn’t. It’s often hard for us to let go, no matter how toxic the relationship is.

But we all know, no matter how much we try to deny it, that a person who mistreats us and is taking a negative toll on our lives is not someone we need to be with.

However, research has shown, abusive relationships are mentally and emotionally difficult to escape. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, whether it be physical or emotional, here are the steps you should take to get out of the situation.

Here’s how to get out of an abusive relationship.

1. If you aren’t ready to let go be prepared to renegotiate the relationship.

I hate to say it but not everyone that reads this is going to be ready to get out of the abusive relationship they are in.

And to be plain and clear, you have every right to define what you want out of your relationship. It’s not mine or anyone else’s decision to make.

If you aren’t ready to end the relationship, then sit down with your partner, ask a friend or family member to be there for support if needed, explain how you feel about the current situation and the changes that need to happen in order for the relationship to survive. Set goals, and set boundaries.

Be brave and let him know that you are no longer putting up with any form of abuse. Negotiate and consider how both of you can work together to make strides in a positive direction. But remember, actions will always speak louder than words. If the relationship does not change, be prepared to leave.

2. Be the volunteer, not the victim.

This is in no way your fault. That’s important to remember. However, it is up to you to take back control of your life. It will be hard, but you must choose to be a volunteer for your happiness and not a victim of your circumstance. Understand that you have done nothing wrong and that you deserve to be treated with respect. Instead of being passive, be active. You have the power to change things.

3. Take a Stand.

How to get out of an abusive relationship

If he’s not interested in treating you right, it’s time to stand up and get out.

Love may be beautiful, but abuse is deadly.

Don’t search for ways to keep the peace, especially if it’s at the cost of your mental or physical health. Do what’s best for you. Forget how you felt when things were all good. Be realistic. Ask for help if you need to. You must make bold moves to ensure that you are safe and happy.

Inform your abuser, in a public setting, preferably surrounded by family and friends, that the abuse is unacceptable, and that you are no longer putting up with it. It will take everything you have, but if you don’t leave him you may lose yourself.

4. Don’t fall back into bad habits.

Stay strong. This won’t be easy. It takes weeks to months to form a bad habit, and often months to years to break it.

Don’t let yourself fall back into the bad habit of leaving him, and then taking him back. It could cost you your life.

Seek professional help and go to your friends and family for support. Block him out of your life. Change your routines if they once revolved around your abuser. Consider what makes you happy. Are there things you’ve always wanted to do, but he wouldn’t let you? Focus on bettering yourself and doing the things you love. Take it one day at a time, but keep moving forward.

Looking back isn’t an option…

5. Become a gun owner.

How to get out of an abusive relationship

If you were in a physically abusive relationship then let’s be real for a second: A restraining order isn’t going to protect you from a man that is determined to do you harm, even the police know this. And for that reason, when my daughters are of age, I’m taking them to the nearest gun range to learn firearm safety, and how to shoot with accuracy.

We hear it all the time, an abusive relationship escalating to the point of some innocent woman being killed by an ex-boyfriend or husband that wouldn’t take no for an answer. I hope that your situation doesn’t come to that, but if it does, I hope you protect yourself, using force if necessary.


When it comes to abuse, it’s better to be safe than sorry. You have to think of yourself first in these types relationships.

Always do what is best for you and your health.

At the core, that’s how you get out of an abusive relationship.

Self love.

If you or someone you know is struggling in an abusive relationship, reach out for help. One day, it’ll all be a distant memory. The sooner you stand up, the sooner you can stand on your own. Don’t let loving an abuser destroy you.

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