One of the hardest things we face in life is the breakup of relationships. Unfortunately, on our path to finding “the one” it’s bound to happen to us more than a few times.
Which makes knowing how to cope with a breakup something we all should know how to do.
The truth of the matter is that, even though it is often needed, there is nothing pleasant about a breakup. You lose someone you were once close to.
Someone you probably envisioned spending the rest of your life wife.
No more date nights or late night rendezvous. No more text messages or late night phone calls.
It’s over, and it hurts.
After a breakup you’re in a dark place that seems unavoidable and unbearable… The pain in your heart seemingly inescapable…
The good news?
It won’t last forever.
They say time heals all wounds… But during a breakup there are some mistakes you can make that can set you weeks or even months back on you road to recovery.
To ensure that this doesn’t happen to you I’ve compiled a list of 7 things you should never do after a breakup.
Avoiding these things will protect your heart, relieve some of the pain you’re suffering through, and help you move on to bigger and better things.
How to cope with a breakup? It’s not that difficult if you avoid these things.
Mistake #1. Trying to be “just friends.”
It’s an exceptionally rare thing to find a friend in an ex, especially after you’ve just broken up recently.
Although you two may not be quite ready to part ways forever, you have to let go at least for awhile to mend your broken heart.
There are also many other reasons that being friends with your ex isn’t a good idea that we explore indepth in our article “5 Reasons Being Friends With Your Ex Is A Bad Idea…”
Plain and simple it is a rarity to build a solid friendship with someone immediately following a breakup.
You need time to sort through your emotions, dissect the things that went wrong in the relationship, and to become completely okay with the thought of your ex dating someone else and vice versa before you should even consider being friends.
With this in mind it’s extremely important to create an intentional space between the both of you for a while.
Give yourself time to rediscover yourself and to mourn the end of the relationship.
Don’t make the mistake of trying to be friends with your ex… At least for awhile… If ever…
Mistake #2. Contacting your ex to “just talk.”
You’ll likely want to contact your ex really badly, but don’t let yourself do it.
No good can come out of reaching out to someone who just broke your heart. You may still have thoughts you’re eager to process and work out with him, but hold yourself back.
Although there will be circumstances when it’s necessary to communicate with an ex. Maybe he left some things at your place that you don’t want around, or you might have a shared lease, or children. That’s understandable.
But nothing but serious and time sensitive situations should inspire you to seek communication with your ex. Stay away, it’s for your own good.
Mistake #3. Cyber monitoring your ex.
Social media can be extremely *dangerous for your heart and sanity when dealing with a breakup.
However, social media is a part of our lives that you shouldn’t try to eliminate altogether. With that being said you still should take measures to avoid some of the negative pitfalls that could set you back on your road to recovery.
When dealing with a breakup I always advise clients and readers to follow these 3 basic social media rules:
- Stay away from social media if you know you’ll be tempted to spy on your ex boyfriend. You will likely feel a strong urge to see how he’s dealing with the breakup, if is his life better without you? The answer to those questions doesn’t really matter. It’s not about him anymore. It’s about you. It’s time to refocus your attention on yourself.
- Don’t post anything about the breakup online. No matter how vague you think it is, everyone knows what you’re talking about. Those cryptic song lyrics are fooling no one lol.
- Unfollow or unfriend your ex. You’re trying to heal and move on. That’s going to be hard to do with his face always popping up in your newsfeed.
Now don’t get me wrong, thinking about your ex from time to time is normal. But you should definitely resist the urge to keep tabs on him through social media.
Mistake #4. Making drastic changes to your life.
Keep your current mental state in mind before you make any major decisions in your life.
When dealing with a breakup it’s not the best time to suddenly decide to move into a new apartment, start a new career, or relocate out of state.
You might want to change things up a bit to solidify the new you you are building or to distract yourself from the hurt of the breakup. But hold off on making big decisions for now.
Take things one step at a time. Be sure to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally before adding more burdens to your plate.
Instead do constructive things that are inherently good no matter what you’re dealing with in life.
Start going to the gym. Enroll in a dance class, take some online courses. Set up a spa weekend with a friend you’ve lost touch with to relax and catch up.
Just find a few hobbies and a routine that works for you and stick to it.
Soon, you’ll forget all about the man who broke your heart, and you’ll be ready to make significant changes in your life without a negative motivator.
Mistake #5. Seeking revenge.
Seeking revenge is never a good idea, no matter how messy or painful the breakup was.
Don’t key his car, cut his clothes, or hack his social media accounts.
You could damage any chance of reconciliation if there is one or even worse you could land yourself in jail.
Don’t let your anger get the best of you.
The radiant thrill of revenge only lasts for a brief moment but could fuel bitterness and hatred for a lifetime. You may have been wronged but stand tall and keep your head up. Brush the dirt off your shoulder and keep it moving.
Mistake #6. Having breakup sex.
Don’t even think about it! You’re only asking for a second heartache.
A quick fling will only lead to one person thinking, wishing, or hoping the relationship is reconciled. But that’s usually not the case, especially for the man. For guys sex with an ex is typically just a quick fling.
Sleeping with your ex one last time might be tempting, but resist the urge.
There’s a reason you broke up, keep that in mind. You’ll be doing yourself more harm than good if you hop in bed with him.
Mistake #7. Letting the breakup consume you.
Breakups are difficult, but don’t let it consume your entire life. You may have lost someone you thought was special, but he clearly wasn’t the man you were meant to be with or you would still be together.
Dwelling on it will only tear you down emotionally and hold you back from moving past the breakup.
Take all the time you need to let go of your ex, but stand strong as you journey through the breakup.
There will likely be dark moments where the hurt feels almost unbearable. But it will pass. Keep living your life, keep growing, don’t let the breakup consume you.
Take some time to adjust to single life, and when you’re ready live it up to your full potential.
Life goes on after a breakup.
And that’s the first thing to acknowledge when your searching your mind trying to figure out how to cope with a breakup.
The breakup won’t break you. Your best is yet to come.