Have you ever asked yourself why is this happening? Why is it so hard for me and my partner to express, listen, and understand one another?
It all starts when we are children. Boys and girls grow up in the same community, the same neighborhood, and maybe even the same household.
However, they grow up in two different cultures. Boys with their superhero’s and fart jokes, and girls with their hopscotch and makeup.
Plain and simple, opposite genders involved in a talk tend to respond differently because they interpret things differently, and they have diverging perspectives on resolutions. Which often leads to anger, resentment, and arguments.
So how do we get past this? How do we begin to see each other’s perspectives more clearly?
Let’s start here.
Tactic #1: Take a moment to put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
As stated by my BlackLoveAdvice.com co-author Naomi Epps in her recent article titled: 6 Simple Questions That Will Strengthen His Emotional Connection to You.
Psychologists encourage couples to try to put themselves in each other’s shoes at a mental level. This increases empathy and understanding.
This is 100% true. The quickest path to understanding is to try to imagine things from your partner’s perspective.
A lot of times we get caught up seeing things only from our personal perspective, and naturally our personal perspective is always right (at least to us). This is called Excessive Self Regard Tendency, and it’s mandatory that we all fight it if we want to build healthy and strong relationships.
Tactic #2: Don’t automatically assume you did something wrong if your boyfriend doesn’t want to talk.
In relationships, women often interpret silence as an indicator that they have done something wrong personally.
Oftentimes that’s not the case.
Silence can indicate many things when it comes to men, including:
- He is dealing with an issue with a friend or family member that he isn’t ready to talk to you about yet.
- He is searching for the right words to say before bringing up a delicate issue.
- He is mentally drained from work or other issues and just needs time to gather his thoughts.
To sum it up, just because your man isn’t talkative doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.
Men in general need time to digest their thoughts and work through issues in their own minds before talking about them openly.
Tactic #3: Stop reading between the lines.
This tip goes out to both men and women. We have to stop assuming our partner’s mean one thing when they say the other.
Stop searching for hidden meanings.
Usually when people say something, they are saying exactly what they mean, no matter how much we suspect they mean something else.
Fellas. Ladies. No more reading between the lines when it comes to dealing with the person you love.
Tactic #4: Men, don’t interrupt your wife or girlfriend’s stories.
This is a PSA for all the men out there…. You better not interrupt your woman’s stories!
No matter how detailed or long, no matter how much you want her to “get to the point” what she is saying is very important to her, and you should respect that.
Show interest, show empathy, and if your time is truly short, express your desire to hear the continuation of the story along with all of its details at a later moment.
Tactic #5: Men should postpone giving solutions to all of their girlfriends’ problems.
The second a man will understand that women are not always seeking advice and help – unless they specifically ask for it – the better.
All she needs is for you to sit in that chair and listen. If she needs help or advice, she will ask for it.
Tactic #6: Men should avoid immediately discarding their partners’ intuition and hunches.
Female intuition. I can’t explain it, but I know it’s real.
Regardless of whether you believe it or not fellas, women have a knack for knowing when something just isn’t right. This phenomenon of “female intuition” is so well documented that scientist have actually attempted to study it.
Here are a few key points:
- Scientists describe intuition as automatic, unconscious thought, while reflexive thought requires conscious analysis and takes more effort
- A University of Granada-led study carried out a test on 600 students to see whether men are less intuitive than women
- They looked at the ‘digital ratio’ – an indication of prenatal testosterone levels – that compares the length of two fingers
- Men have a lower ratio and responded in a more reflexive way in the test, while women gave more intuitive answers indicating intuition is biological
Very interesting study. You can read more about it by clicking here.
End result: Trust your lady’s assumptions. You might hate to hear it, but more often than not, she’s right.
Embracing these communication differences is a key to building a successful relationship.
Though they often lead to disagreements, it’s time to view that as an option, not something that’s destined when men and women communicate.
The sooner you learn to successfully communicate with each other, the sooner you will become a power couple.