If relationships and dating have been a big part of your life, then you’ve likely dealt with the good and the bad.
No matter how much two people love each other, sometimes things go wrong in the union that can leave one person or the other emotionally hurt for a long time. Dishonesty, physical abuse, verbal abuse, infidelity, and even negative financial exploitation can cause a relationship to fail miserably.
All these things can leave you with the inability to trust a new person.
Although, when you’ve given it your absolute all in the midst of turmoil, letting go is often the best thing to do. Messy divorces or breakups of any kind can have lasting effects on one person or even both people who were in the broken union.
You can lose a lot of things after a failed relationship or marriage. You can lose custody of your children, your home, and all of your assets if marriage is in the equation. You can also lose your self-worth, your emotional stability, and even your faith.
Unfortunately, the ability to love and trust someone else again can also be lost after a failed relationship.
This is probably one of the worst things you can lose after a breakup because it can be one of the hardest things to regain. Trusting someone else again is not easy to do when your heart has been taken through the wringer.
In my own personal life, I’ve been through a rough breakup with someone who I felt like I gave my all too. I was in that failed relationship for almost five years. I was still very young when it all ended. I was told by many people who supported me that I had my whole life ahead of me.
But deep down inside, I still felt like there was no tomorrow. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We seemed to have it all as a couple. For at least two years, I remained single and totally put a wall up to keep any other person from having access to my heart.
However, I knew I needed to learn how to trust again.
As a woman of faith, I got through those two years after my failed relationship by keeping a relationship with God. Staying spiritually grounded definitely got me through the rough times.
It also helped me recover and learn how to trust again.
Today, I am glad to say I have found true love. Although it wasn’t easy, I slowly began to trust the man that eventually became my husband.
Here are the steps I took to get over my past and allow someone new to enter my life.
1. Be patient.
This is one of the first steps in learning how to trust again. You have to be patient, it all won’t happen at once. You will need time to recover from the heartbreak and wounds left by the previous relationship. Just have faith and be sure to give yourself the proper amount of time to heal.
2. Avoid idle time.
After a tough breakup, it can be hard to get out the house and maintain a social life. It’s hard to do I know, but one of the first steps in learning how to trust again is not closing yourself off to people.
Go and hang out. Have some fun, socialize. Don’t become so disconnected from other people that you begin not to trust anybody.
3. Don’t mistake love for lust.
One of the worst mistakes you can make after a tough breakup is sleeping with the first sweet talking man you meet.
The reality of that situation is if he’s only after sex and you’re vulnerable and want more the feeling that you just got played will only reinforce the belief that you shouldn’t trust anyone.
Don’t make this mistake. Take things slow.
4. Remain thankful.
I Corinthians 15:57 says: “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We never go through ANY struggle, no matter how hard it is without something to still be thankful for. Never let pain make you forget what is still going great in your life. There is always something to be happy about and thankful for.
5. Focus on the present.
Often we as people will stunt our own personal growth by either living in the past or trying too hard to plan for the future. The truth is, you can’t plan for everything. Let life happen, be spontaneous sometimes.
Don’t get caught up dwelling on the past or planning out your romantic future that you don’t let the spontaneity of life and love happen as it should.
6. Stay away from people that reinforce your trust issues.
Misery definitely loves company.
When you are sad and blue, it is easy to find yourself in the company of people in the same boat.
They won’t do you any good. They will only reinforce your current attitude. They will tell you that you shouldn’t trust again. That true love isn’t possible. That all men are out to play you.
If you really want to learn how to trust again, you have to stay away from people that are on the “don’t trust anybody” boat, and feel like it’s the right boat to be on.
7. Don’t hurt others because you’ve been hurt.
This one may need to be read over again. So many times in life, we get tempted to do other people the way we’ve been done. This is so harmful because karma is real. Bad karma is not what you want.
Continue to be the good person you always were. Don’t let a bad relationship steal your joy and happiness.
Without it, you will never be able to trust again.
8. Embrace forgiveness.
Forgetting the bad things that a former lover did to you is often hard to do. However, we MUST forgive to move on.
Sooner or later, dwelling on ill will catches up to us.
Without taking the path of forgiveness, it is very hard to learn how to trust again and accept new love in your life.
Accepting true love and finding the ability to start trusting again after your heart has been betrayed a isn’t easy. However, it’s 100% worth it.
It took me time to get to the point of being able to trust again. But eventually by following the steps above I did. My life couldn’t be more happier because of it.
Enjoy life. Have fun. And as hard as it may be right now, allow yourself to trust the next person that comes into your life, especially if they haven’t given you any reason not to trust them.