Dating After Divorce: 3 DOs and 3 DON’Ts

Dating After Divorce: 3 DOs and 3 DON’Ts

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Divorce is a very unfortunate life occurrence. It’s devastating for both parties no matter who was the most at fault for ruining the relationship.  When children are involved, the far-reaching effects of divorce can be even more complicated. Following a system of standards and sticking with them will give you a smooth journey toward finding real love again. But doing what I call “giving your worth away at a bargain” will keep you at the short end of the stick. Here are three DOs and three DON’Ts for dating after a divorce.

Let’s start with the DOs…

1. Keep yourself looking good.

Moving on after being with someone who said or did things that shattered your self-worth can put you in a state of self-pity. When you’re constantly feeling sorry for yourself, you might stop keeping up your appearance. You’ll go on with having the same bad hair over and over again. You’ll walk out the house for a drive to the grocery store or someplace else looking any kind of way. Don’t let how somebody treated you make you stop caring about the way you look. The feelings on the inside may still be a work in progress but always keep that outside looking presentable and scrumptious. Half of feeling good gets achieved by looking good…to yourself.

2. Stay in The Word.

Now I know some of ya’ll gonna be like, “That girl Janae be always quoting that Bible, don’t she?” Umm..yes I do. Lol The truth is, The Good Book always has a solution for virtually EVERYTHING you might be going through. Find inspiration by reading the story of Ruth in the Old Testament. She faithfully and patiently waited for Boaz, the man God blessed her with who would give her the marriage of a lifetime. The Word will always remind you of your worth as a woman. Proverbs 18:22 tells us: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and will obtain the favor of the Lord.”

3. Find a mentor.

We hear all the time that we’re never too old to take advice. This is so true. Finding a person to talk to who can mentor you is a great thing to do after a divorce. This could be a big sister, mother, or aunt-like figure who has successfully remarried after a bitter divorce. The woman with a great life story who has “been there and done that” is a perfect example for you when you’re trying to get your life on track. Such a person can tell you and show you how to rise from the ashes and get your life back together.

And now (in my Eben Gregory voice…shouts out to him), we’re about to briefly talk about what NOT to do when you’re in the process of getting back on the dating scene after a rough divorce.

1. Never appear desperate.

One of the worst things you can do after going through a divorce is quickly become a great big thirst trap for the next thing smoking.

It’s true; you can live how you want and do exactly what you feel. But remember, whatever it is that you do to get his attention is exactly what you’ll have to do to keep it. Don’t get mad when the attitude he has goes from “Excuse me Miss” to “Easy come, easier go.”

2. Don’t resort to substance abuse.

Another recipe for destruction after leaving a rough marriage is going down the dangerous path of an alcoholic, drug addict, or both. I’ve seen so many of my friends and even family completely destroy their lives by running to chemical dependence when their life takes a left turn. Prescription drug use overdoses are the main causes of death for severe substance abusers. Your life is valuable. Don’t let it slip away by letting the obstacle of addiction control you.

3. Stay away from “Bitter Bettys.”

Birds of a feather usually flock together. Women who haven’t conquered their demons of insecurity, heartbreak, or anger are not healthy for you to spend a lot of time with. They often have a “seek and destroy” mentality when dealing with the opposite sex and that is never healthy. Bad karma will come back on you even though you’re trying to do wrong towards someone else because someone did wrong by you. Let the estranged lover get their own bad karma. Don’t create bad karma for yourself simply because someone treated you poorly. You’re better than that and every dog will have its day.


Following proven steps toward getting yourself back together before dating after a divorce empower you to make better decisions about life. As bad as you may be feeling emotionally, there is always someone who has been through worse that has triumphed over all their obstacles. True love does not hurt once you’ve thoroughly healed before finding it again. Take your time. You’re always more blessed than you may think.

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