5 Subtle Signs You're in a Unhealthy Relationship. [Unhealthy relationships}

5 Subtle Signs You’re in an Unhealthy Relationship

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Unhealthy relationships? I think we’ve all been in at least one in our lives.

Arguments, tears, heartbreaks. We usually leave these type of doomed relationships dazed, scarred, and confused.

Earlier this year we identified the 5 types of unhealthy relationships that women often find themselves stuck in:

  1. The Abusive Relationship
  2. The Controlling Relationship
  3. The Isolating Relationship
  4. The Unfaithful Relationship
  5. The Jealous Relationship

All of these types of unhealthy relationships have pretty obvious signs. But there are also very subtle signs of unhealthy relationships that even the sharpest women may not notice. Let’s start with this one:

The Lover’s Scorecard.

This is when your boyfriend keeps track of every little mistake you’ve made, and won’t hesitate to bring them up whenever he’s angry. “Remember that time you got a flat tire in my car! I didn’t even say nothing about that.” (I actually had a friend tell me her ex yelled this at her during an argument about him losing yet another job lol)

Lover’s should not keep scorecards. Doing so is usually one of the first subtle signs to appear in unhealthy relationships.

The Hint Parachute. 

This is the classic, passive-aggressive move of pointing out what’s getting on their nerves… Without actually pointing out what’s getting on their nerves.

Often it’s delivered as a sarcastic joke. If he’s displeased with your choice of an outfit he might say something along the lines of:

“Damn did you paint those jeans on? Lol.”

Or he may disguise his displeasure as a compliment.

“Oh, you look good in that outfit. You don’t look anything like someone’s girlfriend or mother.”

Eventually, these antics will wear you down, and for lack of a better term: All hell will break loose.

Relationship blackmail.

This occurs when a man makes a complaint with a side dish of blackmail. For example, if he feels as though you’re being difficult with him, he’ll say, “There’s no way I can date a difficult person. I might have to break up with you.”

Ultimatums and constant breakup threats are a sneaky unhealthy relationship sign.

Making his problem your problem.

Men say this about women a lot, “If a woman is having a bad day… Then everybody is having a bad day!”

I’ve seen a lot of men actually exhibit this exact behavior. Regardless whether it’s a man or a woman perpetrator, it’s no doubt a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Anybody that wants to bring you down because they are down is very selfish and doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

Assuming your partner automatically knows what is wrong.

Sometimes people are not on the same page emotionally, and that is perfectly fine. Assuming people are mind readers is not.

One very subtle unhealthy relationship sign I often see is one partner assuming that the other partner understands how they feel emotionally without saying it. When that partner’s actions show otherwise, an argument breaks out.

If you’re angry, say it. If you’re sad, say it. We can’t assume our partner’s automatically know how we feel. However, telling your partner your feelings still might not be enough because men and women are two entirely different creatures, which often leads to miscommunication.

It all starts when we are children. Boys and girls grow up in the same community, the same neighborhood, and maybe even the same household.

However, they grow up in two different cultures. Boys with their superhero’s and fart jokes, and girls with their hopscotch and makeup.

Plain and simple, opposite genders involved in a talk tend to respond differently because they interpret things differently, and they have diverging perspectives on resolutions. Which often leads to anger, resentment, and arguments.

To avoid this problem in your relationship, I suggest you check out our article, “Men vs Women: 6 Tactics to End Miscommunication.”


Most people would think that the signs described in the paragraphs above are normal things that go on in most relationships. I admit they do go on in many relationships. However, these relationships are often unstable and unhealthy.

Have you noticed that you are currently dealing with a few of the behaviors on this list? Well, I wouldn’t say it’s time to throw in the towel just yet. Discuss these issues and concerns openly with your partner, try to resolve the problem. If these behaviors continue then maybe, it’s time to consider that this just might not be a relationship worth having.

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