Why We Think About Our Exes (and Why It's Not a Bad Thing)

Why We Think About Our Exes (and Why It’s Not a Bad Thing)

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Have you had dreams about your ex? Do you find it hard to let go of the memories even though you are in a new relationship? Do you find yourself smiling when thoughts of your past relationships cross your mind? If so, then you are not alone. A recent poll by revealed that most people can’t seem to shake the memory of their exes:

71 percent of people say they think about their ex too much. Narrowed to singles, the figure goes up to 81 percent. More than half (57 percent) of singletons say thinking about their ex prevents them from finding new love.

But it’s not just singles—married folks are ex-obsessed as well. Almost two-thirds of married people (60 percent) agree that their ex is on their mind too often, and 36 percent say their attachment to their ex interferes with their marriage.

Shocked by these statistics? Don’t be.

Although most of these relationships might have come to an end due to good reasons, time tends to make us forget about the bad times.

The negative consequence of that is that it could leave your current partner seeming flawed in comparison to the romanticized image you have of your ex in your head.


Here are the two main culprits:

  1. Your ex isn’t around to get on your nerves anymore… But your current partner is… His bad habits are in your face daily. However, we often forget that our exes had similar or even worse habits.
  2. You have subconscious reminders of your ex laying around. The TV he bought you. The bedroom set you purchased together. These items can keep the memory of your ex floating in the back of your mind.

Now here’s the good news… You shouldn’t feel bad or guilty about these unwanted and often unwelcome thoughts.

It’s natural to have glimpses of the past float through our minds randomly. In fact, it’s healthy. Yes, even those nostalgic memories of your ex.

Research has shown that people reminisce about their past at some point throughout the day several times per week. These nostalgic memories can improve our identity, confidence and mood.

Based on this truth, thinking about your ex from time to time is no big deal. Especially if those thoughts are about the positive moments.

It doesn’t mean that you want your ex back.

It just means that there were times that you shared that were good, and in the light of real life, those glimpses into the past seem wonderful. They are no different than the flashes you have of your childhood, college, or vacations with friends. They serve to boost our moods.

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