Living With an Emotionally Unavailable Man? Here's How to Deal With It... [Emotionally unavailable men]

Living With an Emotionally Unavailable Man? Here’s How to Deal With It…

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Are you living with an emotionally unavailable man and you’re not sure what to do about it?

If you are, then you understand how frustrating this kind of relationship can be.

There’s almost nothing as bad as an emotionally unavailable partner, especially when they want all the benefits of a committed relationship.

However, just because he has a hard time emotionally connecting doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and care about you.

It’s tricky, but with time it’s possible to get him to open up and also to ease the feeling of emotional neglect you might be feeling.

Let’s start with the most important thing you can do to reduce any discomfort you might be feeling.

1. Love yourself above all else, and pursue what makes you happy outside of the relationship.

Living With an Emotionally Unavailable Man? Here's How to Deal With It... [Emotionally unavailable men]

Women that are in relationships with emotionally unavailable men often report feeling unloved and frustrated by the relationship.

As women, we are emotional beings and love to express and have our men express their feelings for us.

If this does not happen, then we often become frustrated, sadness, and maybe even distrust slowly creep into our psyche.

To save yourself a great deal of stress and heartache, you should always love yourself first and continue to engage in the activities that make you happy outside of your relationship.

Your interest, your hobbies, your friends, your family. In a committed relationship or not you should never neglect these things.

A romantic relationship should never be the only relationship you nurture.

Never depend on another person to be the sole provider of your happiness.

2. Try to understand the cause.

A number of things could cause emotional unavailability.

It could be the result of health issues, stress, past experiences, or just his natural temperament.

In most cases, emotionally unavailable men can be helped by a professional therapist if they need to overcome some past issues that are causing them to put a wall between themselves and the people they love.

Not all cases are hopeless, and some emotionally unavailable men do change with time.

It is, however, important to note that your man won’t change simply because you love him.

He can only change if he is ready to.

Side Note: Just because your man doesn’t verbally communicate it as often as you’d like doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and care about you. 

Most men don’t show love through words, they show it through their actions. Check out our FREE eBook 19 Non Verbal Signs He Loves You to uncover his hidden signs of love. (Below is one of the most obvious but often overlooked indicators that he really cares about you.)

He Considers You. Men are often very territorial, especially when it comes to their homes. Women often find it difficult to make space for themselves in a guy’s apartment. If he loves you, he’ll be considerate about your needs. Maybe it’s stocking his fridge with iced tea because he knows you like it or buying new blankets because you said the old ones were itchy. If he’s considering your basic needs and thinking of your relationship in practical terms, it’s a great sign. He sees you as a more permanent person in his life and is doing what he sees as practical ways to show you he cares.

3. Don’t be tempted to push him.

You will never get far trying to force a person to open up emotionally to you. This is even truer when dealing with emotionally unavailable men.

Trying to push him to open up to you will cause him discomfort, that could in some extreme cases cause a man to reject the relationship altogether.

The best thing for you to do is give him time, and guard your expectations.

Whether he decides to open up or not is entirely up to him.

But still, you should…

4. Gently communicate your desire for connection.

Living With an Emotionally Unavailable Man? Here's How to Deal With It... [Emotionally unavailable men]

Every person in a relationship has needs and expectations. And if one of your needs is emotional closeness you should communicate that.

Although I suggest when you do bring up the matter to not only focus on that one need, but also focus on several of the good things in the relationship.

What I would do is sit down and write a list of at least 5 things you love and value about your relationship to break the ice and lower his defenses.

After revealing these good things, the conversation can trail off to your need for more emotional connection.

But I warn you, at any sign of defensiveness and confrontation move on to a different subject.

Side Note: Emotional unavailability could be a sign that he’s not happy in the relationship. To make sure this isn’t the cause of your man’s lack of connection be sure to check out the article below.

5. If you are truly unhappy, walk away.

If you are sad and unhappy in such a relationship just walk away.

Your happiness comes first, and there’s no need to hold onto a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you.

Life is too short to spend it feeling emotionally neglected. Take some time to think, then decide if you can achieve true happiness with someone with this bonding style.

If it’s a deal breaker then it’s a deal breaker. Not everyone is compatible, and that’s okay.


Trying to change emotionally unavailable men can be nearly impossible.

But recognize just because your man doesn’t talk about his feelings much, or do spontaneous romantic things doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

All people show love and affection in different ways.

To some men fixing your car and paying bills is their way of expressing love and affection.

I suggest that you continue to work with him and don’t be overly concerned unless he is showing signs of infidelity or common indicators that he’s just not that into you.

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