RSS

Reality Check: Men Love Boobs… And They Do Whatever the Hell They Want…

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Men love boobs because they do. Don’t look down at your chest and wonder if your boobs are appealing enough to get a man or keep him. Here’s the thing: a woman could have the best boobs on the planet and her man may appreciate those boobs, but at some point down the road he may notice some other boobs that he wants. Though he has access to the best ta tas on the face of this earth, he’ll go after the new ta tas.

Why: Because men do what they want. Period. “You do you” is not a phrase we need to tell men because that is innate.

On last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Cynthia Bailey’s husband, Peter Thomas, was caught on camera in a very compromising position with another woman. When his wife asked him why he’d put himself in that position that embarrassed her, he said he didn’t really do anything and he didn’t want to have sex with that woman, but was whispering in her ear because it was loud. He also noted that he had his wedding ring on in the video…

The truth is the man did what he wanted.

In that moment, he wanted to touch another woman’s boob (because men love boobs) and whisper in her ear without regard to how it looked or how it made his wife look or feel. Cynthia told Peter he was only thinking of himself in that moment. She was right because men do what they want.

Ultimately there are no guarantees in life and especially in love. As women we seek advice, signs, red-flag warnings akin to the terror alert color code system George Bush implemented after 9/11. We want to be able to predict what’s going to happen in our relationships. We want to know how to meet a guy, and how to tell if he loves us. We want answers to questions like: how to discern if my boyfriend will cheat, or will my next Tinder date bombard me with dick pics or will he love and respect me until the end of time? The cold hard truth is that while there is wisdom we can glean from others who have gone before us and traversed rough relationship terrain, ultimately no one can predict the future of any relationship and not just because the future is unwritten, but because men do what they want.

This concept may seem simple and like nothing new under the sun, but I challenge every reader to truly understand and accept the ideology of: men do what they want. Understand the depths of it. If we did, we wouldn’t be surprised when men walk out on their wives, or make unilateral decisions to use the savings on a sports car purchase, or cheat with twenty-two year olds and bring home an S.T.D. to boot. These are all selfish, self-serving, everyday acts that illuminate my point.

Obviously, there are real men out there, with integrity and honor. There are men who don’t act on every selfish whim or desire. There are men who can keep it in their pants. They respect and support their wives, families, country, make real sacrifices and raise their children. And there are even some women who act selfishly, but this article is not about those groups.

We live in a patriarchal society. The forefathers, all males, made the laws and rules. So this is a society built by men and for them; therefore they feel entitled to do whatever the hell they want. We cannot change people. So if men are doing what they want how do we combat that?

Here are the top 5 things women need to do for themselves in relationships when men do what they want.

1. Choose Yourself First.

Look out for number one. A friend of mine was dating a guy and felt like she wanted to break up with him. Suddenly the guy’s grandfather died. My friend wondered if she should stick with her boyfriend and help him through the loss, but ultimately realized she needed to take care of herself and end things. The relationship wasn’t what she wanted and this death wasn’t going to change that. She was sorry about the timing of the break-up, but that’s life.

I dated a guy for a few years and there came a point in our relationship when I wanted it to end, but as soon as I got up the nerve to break up, he went through a financial crisis. So I decided not to break up with him because he needed me. I wanted to be there to support him as a friend through this rough time. Nearly a year later that same man chose to dump me during my time of need without regard to what I was going through. At the end of a harrowing week during which I experienced a career setback and a calamitous family event, that motherfella broke up with me, having full knowledge of the goings-on in my life. So the lesson here ladies is take care of number one first because no one else will especially not a man.

2. Adopt the mantra: Boys will be Boys is bullshit.

Don’t excuse bad behavior with that pitiful saying. If your boyfriend doesn’t act right, tell him how the behavior made you feel and then expect your mate, or boyfriend to do better next time. If he doesn’t, then make some tough decisions. Maybe this person isn’t worthy of your time, energy and love. Your love is a beautiful gift and should not be wasted on those who are not deserving, or appreciative. Besides no one ever said, “Girls will be girls” and let our bad behavior slide.

3. Be brave enough to face the truth. Ask the hard questions.

RHOA Cynthia Bailey asked her sister if she thought her husband Peter was cheating when she should have been asking her husband. Don’t fear the truth because the truth is really a liberator. Once you find out the truth, you don’t have to carry around the heaviness of the doubt, the questions, or the pain of what could be. And if you ask for the truth but sense you’re being lied to, do NOT deny your spirit. As Scandal’s Olivia Pope says: trust your gut because your gut is always right. Olivia Pope also does her research. Dissect the Internet for the truth. The camera does not lie, honey.

My ex-boyfriend was tagged in a Facebook photo that revealed he had been cheating on me for at least six months before we broke up. If the truth reveals your worst fear, that is not the worst thing. The worst thing that could happen is NOT that he could leave you for the other woman. The worst thing that could happen is you could NOT stand up for yourself. You could continue to live in denial and devalue yourself. You could waste precious time and your youth on a man, who doesn’t really love, respect or value you. Dare to expect more. Expect something better. Don’t be so tied to the girlfriend, wife or fiancée title. If there isn’t respect, love and honor behind that title it’s void. Have hope and faith that your life could be better and that perhaps this man who has lied, cheated, and been disrespectful is not God’s best for you. There is better. Women who are brave and bold in their relationships ask for what they want and if they don’t get it, they move on without wasting time.

4. Don’t blame yourself for his bad behavior blame the home training.

Do not self-shame after a hard truth is revealed. It’s never your fault that your man lied or cheated. That is on him and whoever raised him. Liars and cheaters have been doing it for years. They are professionals. Liars spend years honing their duplicitous skills. They have degrees in telling untruths and leading double lives. They lure you into their web of deceit by gaining your trust. So you trusted him and he took advantage of that. He should be ashamed. Saying, “I should have known better,” doesn’t get you anywhere but knee deep in a vat of Haagen Dazs, or Johnnie Walker, but in the end you’re not even hurting the person who deserves retribution. You are not culpable if he lied to you, but now that you survived the liar, you are smarter. Use your knowledge to be better informed in future relationships. Ask hard questions. Get to the truth. Trust and listen to your gut. Choose yourself first. You’ve graduated from the liars/ cheaters school of dating so don’t repeat that class.

5. Let him ride off into the sunset with the sidepiece.

Whether she’s twenty-two, twenty-six or just significantly younger than you, don’t be jealous. She has a man who brazenly lies and cheats. She has a man who is not trustworthy. She may have convinced herself that he is going to be different with her, or he’s changed, or she changed him, or their relationship is special. It very well may be special and different, but he’s the same triflin’ man.

Morals don’t grow overnight.

Whether she’s twenty-two, twenty-six or just significantly younger than you, don’t be jealous. She has a man who brazenly lies and cheats. She has a man who is not trustworthy. She may have convinced herself that he is going to be different with her, or he’s changed, or she changed him, or their relationship is special. It very well may be special and different, but he’s the same triflin’ man.

Morals don’t grow overnight.

He probably chose the much younger woman because young girls don’t ask questions or require the answers that real grown ass women do. Little girls are not as discerning and they will put up with him doing what he wants. They simply haven’t been around the relationship block or had the life experience to really know anything yet. They’re probably even more trusting than the last woman he dated who was more age appropriate and had more of a sense of self to call him out on his bad behavior.

It’s not your job to warn the new woman or to target her. She is not the enemy. The asshole that couldn’t keep it in his pants is. And he’s really not the enemy either. If he needs another woman’s attention to boost his self-esteem then he actually doesn’t have any self-esteem because a true sense of self-worth and love comes from within. And guys with low self-esteem will bring you down with their sinking self-esteem ship. You dodged a bullet when he left you for the other woman.

So bless them both and move forward with your life.

Liars and cheaters will always be looking over their shoulder for the next lie to catch up with them. They’ll always project their bad behavior onto others thinking they’re being lied to and someone is cheating on them. An abundant life never comes from an atmosphere of deceit. Living in a moral-less relationship without boundaries, trust, or integrity doesn’t foster an environment of authenticity, security, peace or love, but of turmoil and unrest. Younger women think they have all the time in the world so let her spend it trying to deal with that man who will always keep doing what he wants.

Men love boobs and they do what they want. So I say to all my sisters out there, “you do you, girl.”

About the Author

Sonja WarfieldSonja Warfield is a television comedy writer who has written for the Emmy-Award winning Will & Grace, BET’s The Game and Brandy’s new BET sitcom, Zoe Ever After, debuting in January 2016. Sonja’s book: Get Your Butt Off My Couch (And Your Hand Outta My Wallet) is available on Amazon.

Twitter: @Sonjawar | Facebook: Sonja WarfieldSonjawarfield.com

Tags: , , , , ,