There’s a lot of speculation over when we’ve actually found “the one.”
But there’s no exact science to love. There’s no formula, checklist or set of tests to decipher if you’ve finally met your soulmate. Unfortunately, it all comes down to gut feeling.
Following your gut, however, can be difficult. With all those distractions and mixed signals out there, we get lost in the idea of love and forget how to actually spot it.
Too many of us follow preconceived Hollywood notions about romance. We think love is some big drama filled with ups and downs and unreturned text messages and constant anxiety.
We think if we aren’t crying over him every night, it’s not right. We think if love doesn’t come with grand gestures and hot sex scenes, it’s not right.
I can’t give you an exact recipe or checklist to know if you’ve found the one, but there are some signs when you definitely haven’t. Because here’s the first thing about people who speculate when they’ve met the one: If you have to wonder, that person isn’t the one.
The one you’re meant to be with is the one who alleviates all your questions and anxieties.
While every relationship is as different as every love, there are something things that never have to be done in a loving relationship. If you find yourself doing any of these seven things, you’re not with the right one.
1. Chase him.
Movies have it all wrong. They depict grand love with grand obsession. They depict it with years of pining and obsessing. They make it seem like it’s not worth it if it’s not any work.
But love isn’t supposed to be work. Love is supposed to be the easiest job you’ve ever had. Why should you be chasing someone who is supposed to love you?
The thing about the one you’re meant to be with is he’s not like anyone else. He knew from the moment he met you that he wanted to start a life with you.
2. Beg him.
Real love doesn’t need to be begged for. Real love flows as naturally and effortlessly as running water. You can walk away from it, and it’ll keep running.
When you’re begging someone to love you, you’ll never get the love you’re looking for, and you’re asking for something he clearly can’t give.
Love is supposed to lift you higher, not bring you to your knees.
3. Change for him.
The one who loves you loves all of you. He may not agree with you all the time, but he wouldn’t even change the way you argue with you. When someone is asking for you to change, he might as well be asking for you to leave.
The right person isn’t looking for their ideal partner; he’s looking for someone who is right for him. When you’re it, there won’t be any question about what’s wrong and right about you.
4. Negotiate with him.
A relationship is not a consolation prize. You should never be with someone who makes you negotiate the terms of it.
Negotiations are for dying relationships. Negotiations are for couples who would rather be together than alone.
The only negotiation that should be happening is with dinner plans and parent weekends you’d rather not attend.
5. Wonder about him.
You should never be unsure about how he feels about you or what his aspirations are in life. He should be open about anything he wants, and what he wants should include you.
Mystery can be hot and play a big part in the dating process, but you guys are past that. The two of you are supposed to be in love, and when in love, mystery should be nowhere in sight.
6. Cry over him.
Tears are not the water that helps a budding relationship grow. Tears are what kills love.
Crying over someone isn’t a sign you’re supposed to be with him; it’s a sign you’re supposed to leave him.
Relationships aren’t built on nights spent weeping; they’re built on the days you’re happier than you’ve ever been in your life.
7. Lie about him.
If you’re hiding even one thing about him to your friends, you’re in the wrong relationship. If you’re pretending he’s someone he isn’t, you’re with the wrong someone.
The person you’re meant to be with is the person you couldn’t hide if you tried. You talk about him to everyone because he’s your everything.
Even if you don’t bring him up in every conversation, you’re thinking about him in every silence.
(This article was written by Lauren Martin and originally appeared on EliteDaily.com)