Emotional Condoms: One Size Fits All...

Emotional Condoms: One Size Fits All…

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Charlie Chaplin once said in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine, “Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.” While Charlie died in 1977, does his quote have any significance for us today?

Since grade school, we have learned about protection. We are taught how to protect ourselves against bullies; to eat our veggies to protect ourselves from getting sick. We have learned about condoms, birth control, and dental dams; the list goes on. Some of us endured the, “Don’t bring a baby home.” speech, while others of us learned all we needed to know about safe sex through the mean streets of everywhere and nowhere. And recently, there has been a shift to broaden the Sexual Education Curriculum even further. While some are outraged, others are barely giving this a second glance.

Our media is inundated with overt sexuality. I mean, really. Is a half naked lady really going to sell that toothpaste any better than her clothed counterpart? Ad campaigns respond with a resounding YES and then some. Nudity sells. Sex sales.

How much more so is this true for the Black Community? Where booty hoes and video vixens are all the rage. Where Instagram models are an ideal to be strived for. Why is it that we as a community place a disproportionate body part in such high regard? It is a modern throwback to the likes of Saartjie “Sara” Baartman; a woman who’s boo-tay has been forever immortalized and is an indictment on the world’s historical treatment of black people.

As quickly as the heat of the moment is over, the reality of the situation sets in. We are not bar stars. We are worthy of love. We are worthy of a higher calling. We are more than the statistic that says black men and women are more likely to end up in prison or a teen parent than they are to graduate college. We have resilience running through our bloodline that has been strengthened over generations.

So what would it look like if we choose to walk a different path? What if we choose to be counter culture? What if instead of idealizing and dreaming about how next to show off our assets and instead choose to protect ourselves against the Emotional Sexually Transmitted Infections. Regret is gonorrhea for the soul (pain); worry is like Chlamydia for the mind. There is discharge of words better left unsaid and unnecessary heartache to be had when we engage in frivolous intercourse with an open heart.

When our body unites with another through an intimate encounter, we engage our mind, body, soul and spirit in a physical act. It is not just a penis and vagina, and an influx of hormones, of clothes misplaced and hair disheveled. Two souls intermingled. Two spirits connected. Even if it was just for 5 minutes (those pesky one minute men will get you EVERY time!) But don’t we deserve more than feeling used, or that all we are good for are those ever delightful assets?

Instead, I give you three ways of wearing the heart shaped condom to save yourself and in turn, become a better you and increase the joy and intimacy you experience in relationships.

1. Know your worth.

We come from a rich heritage. Instead of dropping our pants for the next pretty thing that walks by- and yes, that includes a fine dark chocolate specimen akin to the likes of Indris Elba- what if we held our heads a little higher and knew we had something more to offer than a receptacle for bodily fluids?

2. Just say no.

As nice as physical pleasure is, what if you made a conscious decision to even know the person’s last name before being intimate? I’ve heard it said that you shouldn’t sleep with a person unless you’ve eaten in their kitchen. This invitation for a meal takes time. It takes an emotional connection as not just anyone comes over for dinner. Allowing yourself to get to know a person takes time. Savor and enjoy the process!

3. Know yourself.

What is the ultimate goal of sexual intimacy for you? Helping to define this for yourself before y’all start rubbing bellies can decrease unparalleled expectations, hurt and disappointment. If you both have meaningful discussions about what being sexually intimate means, it can bring you both closer together.


To wrap this all up (you enjoyed that pun, didn’t you?), Emotional Condoms can assist you in aligning your purpose and increasing your personal value. As walking daily in confidence with your head and standards high is the sexiest quality a person can have.

About the Author

Lana BurchellLana Burchell is a single mother of 3, author of 31 Days to Sanity and Shadows of Memories, a college graduate who is currently pursuing an Honours Degree in Social Work. She has a passion for those who are marginalized by the system, particularly single mothers who have been through or are going through the process of raising children on their own. She brings her life experience, strong Christian faith background and sense of humor through the eyes of love to her readers.

Her hobbies include writing, cooking and baking, playing the piano, blogging at and hosting her monthly potlucks. When she is not engaged in these delightful activities, she can be found on the beach.

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