6 Reasons We Keep Choosing the Wrong Men... Despite Knowing Better...

7 Reasons We Keep Choosing the Wrong Men… Despite Knowing Better…

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Do you have a friend that can’t seem to stop getting involved with the wrong type of men? Or better yet, do you find yourself going through a revolving door of bad men and bad relationships in your love life?

If so, let me tell you right now for the most part it has nothing to do with smarts.

Despite being strong and intelligent, we women still fall victim to being a fool for men we know we shouldn’t be involved with in the first place. But like the old saying goes, you live and you learn.

It took me many failed relationships to figure out why I kept inviting the wrong type of men in my life even though I knew in the back of my mind when I met them that I shouldn’t give them the time of day in the first place.

But why does this happen? Why do we continually fall for the wrong men when we know better?

Today I’m going to reveal the answers to that question.

Here are the 7 primary reasons we keep choosing the wrong men despite knowing better.

Let’s start with this one…

1. We don’t trust our first mind.

7 Reasons We Keep Choosing the Wrong Men (Despite Knowing Better)

This was one of my biggest mistakes. There were men that I knew I shouldn’t trust with my heart, knew I shouldn’t be dating, knew things in their past didn’t sound right but I ignored my gut feelings and gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Big mistake.

How many times at the end of a relationship have you told yourself “I knew he wasn’t sh*t when I met him”?

Ladies trust your first mind and gut instincts. That leery feeling is your subconscious mind telling you something your conscious mind can’t, or doesn’t want to see… That he’s bad news and you shouldn’t get involved with him.

2. Because we fear commitment.

Sometimes people reject good partner’s who exist in plain sight and choose a person that isn’t ready to settle down, has bad habits, or other qualities that they don’t want in a long term partner.


Because they’re afraid of commitment.

The more unfortunate fact: Most of the time they aren’t aware that they fear commitment.

As a rule of thumb, if you are often asked questions by friends and family like “Why did you break up with him? He was a good man.” Then you are probably dealing with an unrecognized fear of commitment which leads you to reject the men that are ready to commit and be good to you, to instead chase bad boys that just want to play games and break hearts.

3. We don’t stick to our list of deal-breakers.

How many times have you stopped a man before things went to the next level and flat out told him, “I think you’re a good person, but I don’t tolerate these kinds of things so it’s not going to work out”?

Before you fall for Mr. Wrong again, stick to your values of what you want in a partner and don’t settle for less.

If he displays obvious deal breakers don’t hesitate to let him go.

You can’t change a man, he has to want to change himself.

Which brings me to my next point…

4. We think we have a magic wand that can change a man’s ways.

7 Reasons We Keep Choosing the Wrong Men (Despite Knowing Better)

Eventually, you have to realize that you can’t change a man, a man has to want to change himself. If you are thinking to yourself, “I can change him” or “He will eventually change” think about what that really means.

It means that he has exhibited one or more of your deal breakers and you’re going to try to “fix” him.

Don’t waste your time.

He likely won’t change and you will just sacrifice your time, your peace of mind, and maybe even your heart in the process.

5. Outside of relationships, we haven’t spent enough time thinking about what we want out of life.

To a lot of women being in a happy relationship is their primary goal in life.

That is often a woman’s downfall.

Before looking for love, it is always best to know what you want out of life (besides a man) and have some goals set that you are striving to accomplish.

6. We end up choosing a man that shares our flaws and bad habits.

Unfortunately, this old saying is often true: “Birds of the same feather flock together.”

Oftentimes we choose men that share our bad habits and traits. And depending on how bad those traits and habits are things can get out of control really fast.

It’s almost impossible not to be attracted to, and attract people that share at least a few of our qualities.

That’s how bonds and relationships are built.

The key is to make sure we attract people that share our good qualities and work on removing as many of our bad qualities as possible.

7. We have a fear of being alone forever.

7 Reasons We Keep Choosing the Wrong Men... Despite Knowing Better...

A common fear that floats in the back of the minds of single women (especially women that have been single for an extended period of time) is the thought that we might never find “the one”.

That maybe we’ll be single forever.

This fear often pushes women to settle just for the sake of being in a relationship.

Don’t fall for that trap. Enjoy the single life, build yourself up, and wait for a real King to come along and treat you like the Queen you are.

Women who know how to enjoy their own company and build an independent, fulfilling life are in a much better position to choose a worthy and suitable partner.

When you pick a romantic partner from a place of desperation instead of a place of strength you’re making a mistake that you will one day regret.


It’s perfectly fine to be imperfect. However, when one of our imperfections is picking the wrong men, it could lead to a lifetime of heartache and pain.

Choose wisely ladies. Life is too short to be suffering through bad relationships, being cheated on, and having your heart broken.

If you notice any of these signs in yourself, it’s time to start making the necessary changes needed to remove the unnecessary drama from your life.

As they say: Knowing is half the battle.

Now that you know you can begin to make the decisions that will change the course of your love life forever.

Tags: , , , , ,