I don’t know if most people realize just how many relationships you can go through because NO ONE bothered to communicate expectations in the early phase of a developing business, personal, parental or romantic partnership or agreement…
I have seen/witnessed so many written off friendships and relationships because no one bothered to say as a friend, lover, husband, or wife that I expect you not to [Fill in the Blank].
Why is it so hard for individuals to communicate what they are expecting to come out of any form of relationship at the beginning?
Here are the primary reasons based on my therapeutic interactions with clients, my own mistakes, failed relationships and me acting as an innocent bystander in girlfriend riots (I promise I was innocent):
- Rejection- Many individuals have a strong fear of rejection.
- Abuse- Some individuals may have a past history of family/domestic violence or bullying.
- Failure- Some people fear failure so they avoid situations where they might not succeed.
- Abandonment- Individuals who have been abandoned multiple times only expect you to do the same.
- Manipulation- Individuals who are manipulative often utilize unspoken expectations as a means to manipulate you.
- Insecurity- These individuals are just not confident in telling you anything and they often don’t have expectations for themselves. You might hear them say, “I’m just a day to day person…” (this may have a dry tone)
- Emotionally Unstable- Individuals who are emotionally unstable can’t handle whatever emotions that are attached to the response of their expectations. They may display 8 different emotions before they tell you what they need from you (energy drainers)….
- Sheltered- (Gosh) sheltered individuals will not let you know what they expect because their social skills have not developed enough to let you know what they expect.
I can probably come up with some other contributing factors to unspoken expectations especially as life goes on. However, we as adults should display more confidence in our communication skills or be more protective of our lives by setting guidelines early on in any relationship or partnership. I often catch myself wanting to scream, “Why ARE you afraid of losing someone who may not be a fit for YOU anyway!!!”
There are 15.86 billion people in this world (Okay, I just guessed that lol) But, I am willing to bet that somebody is willing to live up to your expectations if you just freaking tell them how and what it takes to qualify to be in your space/face…
Some of my readers may be past their mid-thirties and may need to realize that we are too darn/dam/dog-on old to be cutting people off over something that could have been communicated and taught accordingly… I can hear you sister, “I don’t have time to be teaching grown folks!!!!” well you are going to stay that chick that rotates, changes and dismisses friends and lovers like a social worker doing qualifications for welfare benefits over the phone!!!
Why are we so afraid to teach (Now review characteristics 1-8) and what is wrong with telling someone in a nice manner what is to be expected of them…. You DO know this is YOUR life they could be possibly taking advantage of and you DO know that it is your time they can also be wasting by having you go through 80 characters before you realize that they should have been fired 79 characters ago…
Come on ladies/padres and my sisters we can do better and we can be even more ahead of the game if we applied some of these methods to our boo/beau/man/wife/husband/stud/stem and fem (everyone needs this message)… I know there will be some kick back on this but hey…. I am telling you what most relationship/life/spiritual gurus would not tell you or if they did it would come with a steep price but with me…. I just want change and growth as well as unity with a reduction of pettiness!!!
About the Author
Tee L. Mayfield is a Professional Counselor, Doctorate Student, Mental Health Advocate, Mother & CEO of Kick Knowledge & BrandNuc.