Regardless of what people might say, you have to set goals in dating. This is something I didn’t always excel at.
Don’t make that mistake.
Don’t be one of those people who are afraid, terrified, or insecure about setting goals in relationships because it can very well serve as a protection to you wasting your time or getting derailed.
Very seldom you will hear someone say, “Set goals in relationships!” or “Look at the bigger picture!!”, and this is only because in relationships we are so focused on the “here and the now” because we are terrified of losing the present opportunity.
Nowadays, the pressure is on to find a man because of age, a shortage of good men, and our careers. However, this should never prevent you from setting goals, taking your time, and having fun with dating.
Please don’t let your love interest, friends, or family talk you into “going with the flow”.
First off, people who tell you to go with the flow are usually the main ones crying on your shoulder when they reap the rewards from going with this “flow”.
Your “go with the flow” friend just got cheated on again. When she confronted the guy for cheating on her he said “Look we are just friends. Nothing official we are just going with the flow and seeing what happens.”
Smh… And I’ve seen this happen more times than I care to mention…
Second: Going with the flow doesn’t help you gauge the quality of the relationship, (as you see from the example above.)
Why is this? Because you have not gained an identity, you will be stuck wondering where you stand, so you will likely find yourself playing a role that doesn’t warrant screen time (CUT!).
Third: The relationship will be all over the place and it makes it hard for you to identify red flags when they come into play.
So with all of this being said, I hope no one is able to talk you out of setting goals in your dating endeavors, (if so please refer to my future article, “How to Mend Your Own Broken Heart!”)
So let’s talk about some good examples of goals to set.
Your first goal could be just wanting to be that special someone in his life and maybe communicate to him what that might look like to you and see if he agrees with you.
Be sure to keep in mind that he doesn’t have to know every goal you set just the goals that involve both of you being on the same page because some of the goals should be goals you are setting to better yourself in the relationship.
Warning: When setting goals this doesn’t mean you should be giving him deadlines or due dates during this phase. What can happen during this phase is that you sit down with yourself and figure out what it is you would like to see happen in the relationship based on your experience thus far.
For example, you might set a goal to add a certain value to his life. Meaning that if he needs a supporter then you find ways that fit his idea of support.
Another goal you could set is to take a mistake you’ve made in past relationships and set a goal not to repeat it… This is a great opportunity to evaluate what you did wrong and practice breaking an old habit.
In case you haven’t caught on yet, these goals are not just your “typical” we won’t have sex until after 90 days type of thing. Instead, these are goals that support healthy characteristics in relationships, establish roles, and minimize the chances of old negative behaviors to occur.
Other goals might include, not allowing the person of interest to have three strikes. This goal is helpful for people that struggle with detaching themselves from bad situations.
This is a goal I was serious about mastering. And it’s the reason I’ve become better at walking away without hesitation.
True, it can be hard for veteran singles because of the length of time in they’ve spent in the single life. But if it isn’t working, your time should be all the reason you need to walk away quickly and courageously.
There’s no time to waste when the man that is truly meant for you, is out there looking for you.