Settling… So many black women are being told to do it… So many black women are doing it… However, it never leads to long term satisfaction.
Let’s put “settling” into perspective by breaking down how it fosters evils in relationships.
First off, your relationship will be plagued by would haves, could haves and should haves.
But it runs deeper.
Our society plants unhealthy mental seeds into the minds of women about our looks, our attitudes, and how we should behave in relationships. But then more of these seeds are planted by subcultures.
What is required of a black woman?
At this point, we don’t know if we need to be strong or weak for a man to feel as though he would actually be needed in our lives.
Take a look at the above video, the memes, dating books, relationship discussions to see that it appears that the world is saying that we are at the root of our own problems… We won’t give good guys a chance… Our standards are too high… We are too successful… Too aggressive… Too demanding…
So what do we do?
We begin to lower our expectations, side with facts that may not be true, nod in agreement that women are at fault, and even pay money to hear that we have emotional problems.
These societal notions are a prelude to feelings of having to accept something out of our norm just to “be” in a relationship.
But it goes even deeper…
The thing that births this idea and our acceptance of settling is the notion that somehow black women are running out of time.
So then what do we do?
We consider settling for the first man who has 3 out of the 15 things we desire in a spouse.
However, when we lower our expectations or apply waivers to criteria such as looks, career goals, and financial stability, we set ourselves up to be unhappy…
Think about it… Can you really achieve lasting happiness with a spouse that doesn’t fit your mold of an ideal man?
Very likely not.
The criteria that we women establish in our heads derive from our experiences and upbringings, as well as desires that may stem from movies, social media, and our peers.
But even though WE know better, individuals who think we should settle will begin to try to convince us that we are growing old, being too picky, and a bunch of other nonsense to try to tear apart our rights to have preferences in what we want in a future mate.
But, when we settle we won’t find long term happiness.
When we “give” in on our needs it will only lead us into bigger issues when problems in the relationship arise such as:
Would it be possible to accept a man who is “up and coming” and be that supportive spouse or mate while our struggling bae is working on his big break?
There will be articles that will make us feel guilty about this, but it is not about what articles, books, television, comedians (Ha Ha Ha) or specialist may say, but it is all about what you want and desire along with what battles you are willing to fight.
We don’t always need to consult with outsiders before we consult with ourselves. You will be surprised at how well you can make decisions about what you want out of a man on your own without influence.
Of course, there will be mistakes, but you can’t learn, grow and understand without them.
Now don’t get me wrong. Settling isn’t the same as understanding that your mate isn’t perfect but you are willing to work with him…
Settling is basing your decision to enter or stay in a relationship off of what your peers, society, books, negative insecurities, or experts say.
Not following your own judgement, sticking to your standards, and making decisions you are 100% comfortable with is a set up for a settled failure.
And in all honesty, the hurt is way worse getting hurt by a man that you settled for than from someone you imagined to spend the rest of your life with…
Never settle for less.