What exactly is the infamous “Seven year itch?” In relationship lore, this milestone in a marriage marks a certain turning point where both partners begin to grow weary of the relationship.
Things have become a bit boring and routine. Basically, they are in a rut.
Unfortunately, many divorces and affairs stem from this. But they appear under the guise that one or both partners are unhappy in the relationship and the best way to change things is to do something drastic like cheating or ending the relationship.
This “seven year itch” as it is called tends to plague men in particular.
In fact, many experts hold the belief that once a man reaches seven or more years of marriage, he is more likely to cheat on his wife, (although some studies say that infidelity usually begins three to five years into a marriage for both men and women.)
Well, no matter which number you think is true, I don’t believe that infidelity or relationship dissatisfaction is time-based.
I think a lack of communication, not maintaining an active role in making the relationship work, and the superstition of a seven year slump in and of itself is the root cause of a lot of these relationship problems.
But regardless of what causes the seven year itch, it still seems to be a real issue for couples nationwide.
To help you break the spell and get out of the rut before this syndrome damages your relationship I’ve compiled 6 tips and practices that will rejuvenate your love life.
1. Break free of your schedules and routines.
It’s definitely true that couples in a relationship fall into certain routines and habits. While you may still love a person after seven years, ask yourself when was the last time you tried something new?
You likely have a family now, and that has helped settle you into a mundane state of routine existence. Every day has a flow, and you’re just being whisked along.
Many adulterous partners state that this stagnation is what led them to seek attention and affection elsewhere.
The affair wasn’t so much based on sex, but instead on the idea that it was new, dangerous and unexpected.
Don’t let boredom take over your relationship. Try new things, travel whenever possible, go on adventures together. These things will protect your relationship from the boredom and monotony that often invades long term relationships.
2. Assess what isn’t working.
If your relationship is in a rut, take some time to reflect back on your last year together.
What in the relationship isn’t working? Is it a scheduling conflict? A personality change?
Come together and assess where you both can make improvements to strengthen the relationship.
It’s important to remember that you can’t fix what you don’t know is broken.
When you address your individual point of views and identify where each partner is a bit disappointed with the relationship, you can start down a path of improvement.
I have to warn you though. Don’t let this conversation turn into an argument. That’s far from the goal, but it could easily go in that direction with a few missteps.
Before you initiate this talk, I suggest you read this article where we reveal tips and techniques that will help couples conduct meaningful conversations in a productive manner.
3. Let the little things slide.
Is it annoying when your husband forgets to take out the trash? Yes.
Is it frustrating when your wife leaves her dirty dishes in the living room? Yes.
Does all of this matter in the long run? Not really.
I know what you’re probably saying, “it’s the principal of the matter.”
When your husband or wife doesn’t listen to you, it shows that they don’t care. Right???
We all have pet peeves. We all are human, and in reality, sometimes people forget things, make mistakes, and have little nuances about their personalities that we might not like.
But in a relationship, it’s better to let the small things go.
If it doesn’t impact you in a negative way and you likely won’t remember it next week why argue about it today?
Most of the time it’s just not worth it.
4. Create more “us time.”
Couples who have been together for years often begin to take each other for granted.
They incorrectly assume that since there are no outward complaints, everything must be okay in their relationship. In reality, when one partner feels unappreciated they might not complain about it initially but trust me, trouble is brewing beneath the surface.
No matter if you’ve been together for four months or 40 years, it’s always important for you and your partner to show each other that you still value and appreciate each other.
It can be a dinner date or a weekend getaway, just remember that just because you think your relationship is in a comfortable position doesn’t mean that it doesn’t still need nourishment.
Your partner still needs validation that you love and appreciate them.
5. Even though you’re in a relationship, you should still value your friendships and independence.
The above advice is self-explanatory. A lot of times people in relationships lose their identities within the relationship.
We all know a couple that does everything together. In fact, they are together so much that when we see one without the other, we ask “Where’s [fill in the name]?”
This type of “connected at the hip” relationship usually backfires.
Even though on the outside these couples look perfectly happy, often one partner secretly craves their independence.
This ends up causing all types of problems within the relationship. Often these problems lead to divorces and breakups.
Even though you’re in a relationship, you and your partner are still individuals that have individual needs and crave alone time and time with friends.
Remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder. By spending time apart, you are allowing your relationship to cleanse itself of boredom and monotony naturally.
6. Communicate your physical needs and desires.
Another common problem with couples who have been together for many years is that like everything else, their sex lives can become dull and routine.
They’ve tried every position that they know of, they stop trying to seduce each other, and their sex lives become more of a chore than something done out of desire.
If you notice signs that your man is bored with his sex life you should ask him to open up and communicate his desires. You should also do the same.
Just because you’ve been together for many years doesn’t mean your love life has to be lackluster.
If you’re having difficulty coming up with ideas of new things to try in the bedroom check out our book “101 Explosive Sex Tips And Secrets That Will Blow His Mind” for some expert tips and tricks that are sure to bring that fire and desire back to your love life!
The seven year itch is definitely a real phenomenon. However, it doesn’t have to signal difficulties in your relationship.
Instead, it’s the start of a new beginning and a chance to renew your love.
Continue to be spontaneous, try new things, and work to improve your relationship every step of the way.
You feel in love for a reason and no mythological time marker can ever take that away.