Finding true love is an experience that most people desire in their lives.
It helps us build a stable source of loyalty, unconditional support, and emotional security that provides genuine happiness.
However, finding true love takes time, and even once you find it, experiencing a fulfilling love life and maintaining the relationship takes dedication, skill, perseverance, and a mastery of one’s own mind and emotions.
But one reason that’s frequently overlooked is that we weren’t ready to love, be loved, or even be in a relationship.
For that reason, I always advise that a woman build herself up before even thinking about finding a man.
Or else you run the risk of finding the right man but throwing it all away because you weren’t ready to manage the inevitable ups and downs of a committed relationship.
It’s a fact that there are many different aspects of life a person must master before being ready to accept and nurture real love.
Here are seven things a woman should master before trying to find the right man.
1. How to not make being in a relationship your main source of validation.
This is an important one. Some people (especially us women) allow being in a relationship to be our primary source of validation.
This is a huge mistake that can lead us to settle just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Before trying to find a man you should define yourself. Your career, your education, your financial stability are all sources of validation that no one can take from you.
Being able to stand on your own two feet without a man will transform you into a woman who is 100% capable of bonding with the RIGHT man when he does enter your life.
2. How to find strength within and love yourself.
This one is a no-brainer. Learning how to live with yourself, love yourself, and reflect on what you need to do to become a better person is one of the best skills a person can have before falling in love.
As the saying goes: How can you love someone else if you don’t love yourself?
Once you master this skill, you will have the primary tool you need to leave a bad relationship and not let a man you love tear you down.
3. How to overcome your weaknesses.
Nobody is perfect. Everybody has their flaws, but we should be actively trying to improve those flaws.
Learning how to identify your weaknesses and dedicating yourself to turning them into strengths builds character.
Once you learn how to do that not only do you become a much better person but you become more prepared to strengthen the weaknesses you identify in your relationship.
4. How to manage your finances.
Black women are getting their educate and increasing their earning potential at an all-time high.
In fact, recent data has revealed that we are beating out ALL other groups, no matter the race or gender when it comes to overall college enrollment.
We are, as we should be, taking full advantage of these opportunities in order to build our own financial security.
One of the worst positions you can put yourself in is the position where you have to depend on a man for money, food, and housing.
At that point, you set yourself up for all forms of abuse and manipulation. On top of that, numerous studies have shown that being college educated significantly reduces your odds of getting a divorce once you are married.
As you can see, being educated is beneficial from all angles.
You’ll have a stronger relationship, more freedom, and your income rises.
However, learning how to manage all this money we’re making as a result of our education is something we should also be focused on before finding a man to fall in love with.
Eliminating poor spending habits, taking care of debt, and properly budgeting expenses are things a woman needs to master before getting involved in a serious relationship.
Most divorces and many breakups are caused by arguments over bills, spending, and money.
Once you learn how to manage your finances, you drastically lower the risk of becoming a part of those statistics.
5. Your sense of spirituality.
Whether you’re a religious woman or not, the truth is that a spiritual connection with a higher power is a fundamental building block in life.
Getting closer to this higher power is an excellent way to build yourself up and establish your true blessings.
I’m a firm believer that a family that prays together stays together.
We should all focus on getting our spiritual houses in order before trying to find true love.
6. How to maintain a high level of self-confidence.
This is a vulnerable position to be in because it can blind you to your true worth.
You should never discount yourself and what you bring to the table.
If you’ve recently gotten out of a bad relationship, you should focus on increasing your level of confidence before you start dating.
A man can be the sweetest man on earth and have all good intentions.
But no matter how much he tells you how beautiful and special you are, it won’t mean a thing if you don’t feel that way on the inside.
7. How to manage conflict.
This comes mostly from experience, growth, and a bit of know-how.
When you know how to communicate your feelings, desires, and compromise when necessary almost nothing can stand in the way of your relationship flourishing.
On the other hand, when one or both partners aren’t effective at managing conflict the relationship is often doomed from the start.
Becoming a strong woman and finding real love comes from struggle and perseverance.
We have to realize that nothing comes overnight. To find true love you have to be internally in a place to accept true love.
To do that you must first love yourself, learn how to manage conflict, and the other things I mentioned on this list.
Achieving your goals and making yourself the best person you can possibly be should come above all.
Once you achieve that, you surely won’t be looking for a man to VALIDATE you, you will be looking for a man to VALUE you.
And that’s what really matters.