The Real Reason You're Single (And 5 Characteristics That Can Change That)

The Real Reason You’re Single (And 5 Characteristics That Can Change That)

Posted by in Black Love Advice

It seems like there is this big mystery as to why so many of us black women are single… Heck, at this point many of us aren’t even dating…

Men, relationship coaches, and our friends and family all seem to act like they don’t know why we’re single.

Ladies, we all know why we’re single. You don’t have to say it, I’ll say it for you.

Wayyyy too many of the available men on the dating scene AIN’T SH!T…

Yea I said it.

A lot of the characteristics that are shaping our black men are hindering our ability to even take them serious let alone try to build a relationship with them.

We are strong and independent women. We make our own money, pay our own bills, manage our careers, go to school, and still make time to raise our children the right way.

We aren’t going to settle for less just for the sake of being in a relationship. Many of us have already tried that route, and it always ends in disaster.

Nope. Never again.

Until a quality man presents himself, we will be happily single.

So there you have it. That’s why so many of us good black women are single…

And for the men out there that still can’t seem to understand what it is that we want in a man. Here are 5 characteristics that can happily make us good women change our relationship statuses.

1. Consistency. 

When a man is consistently sending good morning texts, arranging dates, and showing us the right amount of affection the relationship is perfect… However, they tend to change their behavior when they realize that this is starting to go “somewhere.”

We all know that consistency leads to longevity, so in due time if he slacks off on what attracted you in the first place it’s likely his way of backing out of the relationship. And to be honest, when a man stops being consistent we don’t want him anymore no way! Bye.

2. Leadership.

A real man has to be able to lead himself and his family. But it seems like most men nowadays can’t even plan a date. Smh.

Fellas, if you want to earn the trust and respect of a real woman you have to be able to step up and be a leader when necessary.

3. A strong backbone.

Persistence, determination, and perseverance are all qualities we want in a man.

We don’t want a man that runs away whenever a relationship hits a rocky stage. We want a man with a backbone. That knows what he wants, doesn’t run when things get difficult and is determined to make his relationship work as much as we are determined to make the relationship work.

4. Honesty… With yourself…and with us…

A good woman wants a man who is honest with her and himself about who he is and what he wants out of a relationship.

If you can’t be real with yourself how can I expect you to be real with me?

That means no lying about how much money you have, what you want out of a relationship, or your goals in life.

Just be real.

5. Self-Correction and responsibility.

To be a good man you have to have the ability to know and accept when you’re wrong.

I know it sounds simple to most responsible adults but you would be surprised at how many men walk around saying “yeah, I know I was wrong but…”

And the fact of the matter is that “but” is their way of saying “I know I was wrong, but I’m not going to change.”


These are 5 characteristics that I think in all honesty are missing from way too many men in the dating pool.

Why is it like this?

Partly because of society and partly because of the inability of men nowadays to be the leader of their own lives instead of following the pack.

Until they realize this and step up to the plate many of us will continue to happily be a part of the Single Black Women’s Club.

Never settle for less than you deserve ladies. ????

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