Fact: No relationship can withstand the test of time without honest communication and a willingness to remain vulnerable.
After all, love is all about giving to and finding comfort in the company of another person.
However, there comes a stage in every couple’s life when everything but the relationship seems exciting.
Your sex drive dwindles, dates become predictable, and conversations lose their flow.
So, what do you do in times like this when it feels like your relationship has come to a halt in awkward silence? Do you breakup? Is this a sign that the relationship is coming to an end and maybe you aren’t as compatible as you thought?
What this signals is that it’s time to get better at communicating.
Ladies, if you feel like your relationship has hit a point of stagnation, these very important topics to talk about should inject some energy into your relationship.
Don’t neglect venturing into these topics if you want your relationship to last…
1. What makes you feel loved?
Look, we’ve all made the mistake of assuming that we know how our partner gives and receives love.
And you know what they say about assumptions? They’re the mother of all F*#k ups! 😂
While almost everyone tends to respond to “The Five Love Languages” which include quality time, physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. It is quite uncommon for two people to value the same love language as their favorite.
Tracey Steinberg, a leading relationship expert and author of “Flirt for Fun and Meet the One“, says it’s important to communicate openly about what makes a person feel loved as it varies from person to person.
Here’s an example:
While a man may be planning to surprise his special lady by cooking for her on Valentine’s Day (an act of service), she may be expecting him to show love by cuddling and telling her how much he appreciates her (physical touch and words of affirmation.)
Communication is the key to a long lasting relationship. And doing things that make your partner feel loved in a way that speaks to them should be a top priority.
2. What is your deepest, darkest fantasy?
This is a very potent conversation starter. Unfortunately, one of the common problems faced by couples is that they never really learn to open up to each other about their kinks and fantasies.
This may be due to various reasons including, fear, shame, guilt, embarrassment, and holding negative views of intimacy.
Sure, plain vanilla lovemaking can be fun in the initial stages of a relationship, but most people secretly crave far more than just foreplay and missionary.
If you haven’t learned to open up to your partner about your fantasies, now would be the best time to do it. After all, everyone needs a little bit of excitement in the bedroom.
You never know, something new may bring back the spark that’s been missing.
3. Where do you think we are headed with this relationship?
Nothing can be more anxiety inducing than thinking about what the future may have in store for your relationship.
That is why this is one of the topics to talk about that shouldn’t be ignored.
While it may be in your comfort zone to just relax together and watch back-to-back episodes of Empire, it is very unlikely that your relationship will grow that way.
A serious relationship requires some conversation about what you envision your relationship to look like at least for the next few years.
It’s very crucial to be on the same page about your plans.
Make sure to go over the possibilities now so that if any one of them becomes a reality, you’ll be prepared to handle it in the best way possible.
4. How do you feel about children?
Nothing is as big a deal-breaker as having a different opinion on having and raising children.
Which is why it’s one of the primary topics we explore in our extremely detailed article: “Compatibility Test: 255 Simple but Significant Questions For Couples.”
Seriously, if you’re going to be in a long-term relationship, you need to know with absolute certainty whether or not your better half wants to have kids and how they feel those kids should be raised.
It’s okay if they don’t want children, and it’s okay if they do too. The problem arises when you both aren’t on the same page.
At that point, you both may need to sit down and have a long hard conversation about where the relationship is going.
This is a life changing decision which can lead to anger and resentment if not handled with care.
With that being said, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship if you two disagree. However, it does mean that one of you has to compromise and reimagine how your life will look in the future.
5. Are we both growing psychologically and emotionally?
Not many consider this question valid, let alone make an actual effort in fostering a discussion around it.
And that’s understandable. After all, it is a pretty heavy question, and abstract in a way.
But despite the ambiguous nature of the question, it’s necessary to recognize the importance of the saying that a relationship is only as healthy as the people in it.
Improving your psychological and emotional well-being is vital to growing as a couple.
Taking the time to check with how you’re feeling, and focusing on improving self-awareness can help you understand what part of the relationship is going wrong and may need fixing. Look inward, and you’ll find the things that can make or break your relationship.
The same goes for your partner.
6. What counts as cheating?
Couples frequently make the mistake of assuming they don’t have to talk about this topic. I mean, cheating is cheating… Right?
Infidelity isn’t always easily defined because the term implies different things to different people.
While going out to lunch with an attractive and flirtatious co-worker may be a deal breaker for a portion of the population, some people are perfectly fine with that.
What counts as cheating and what doesn’t is unique to every relationship, and it’s a topic to talk about that should be on every couple’s list of things to have an in-depth conversation about.
The last thing you’d want to do is take your partner’s thoughts about infidelity for granted, that’s a sure fire way to bring an end to an otherwise happy relationship.
7. How do you manage your money?
If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you probably have a good idea of how much your partner earns and how they like to spend their paycheck.
However, since there’s always a possibility that you two might end up owning a house or sharing a bank account in the future, it’s crucial to have a conversation about finances.
CEO of MoneyTalkMatters.com, Taffy Wagner, says it’s imperative for a couple to decide who will be the chief financial manager in the relationship because it helps delegate responsibilities and avoid misunderstandings.
I agree 100%.
If you don’t have the money talk now, you’ll eventually have it when money is running short or unexpected expenses pop up. Which is the worst time possible to have a talk about how one person or the other handles their finances.
It hardly comes as a surprise that the more you get to know a person, the more difficult it can become to say and do things to make them feel loved.
After all, familiarity breeds contempt.
No one said relationships were easy, it is, however, one of the most fulfilling experiences you will ever have when done correctly.
If you want to make your relationship last a lifetime, don’t forget to bring up the 7 topics we discussed above the next time you’re enjoying some quality time.