7 Subtle Signs He's Not the One That You Shouldn't Ignore

7 Subtle Signs He’s Not the One (That You Shouldn’t Ignore)

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Is he really the one? This question has probably been lingering in your mind for quite some time now.

Well, today I’m going to help you answer it…

Yes, we talk about how to reveal if someone is right or not right for you all the time, but is there any tried and tested way to find out?

One thing is for sure, you shouldn’t linger in a relationship with someone that is not right for you.

Sadly, this happens more often than it should.

Sometimes because we just got tired of being single and let desperation and boredom lead us into believing we found the man of our dreams. Other times, because we fail to see the subtle signs that we’re in the wrong relationship.

Yes, many of the signs he’s not the one aren’t that obvious until they grow into something more apparent.

But by then we have wasted time, energy, and probably have a broken heart.

Today I’m going to uncover a few of the early warning signs he’s not the one that you should look out for.

Let’s start here…

1. He never offers to pay for dates.

Yes, we are independent women. Yes, we make our own money.

But a man should still take initiative.

It’s only right to want to be treated to a romantic evening out every now and then without having to split the bill 50-50.

It’s not the money that matters, it’s the idea that your man is willing to do something nice for you without asking you to chip in.

Let’s be real for a second: Men have it easy.

Us women shave our bodies, spend hours picking out the perfect outfit, then spend a bunch of money and a day at the salon and nail shop to be as close to flawless as possible.

But you can’t even pay for the date though… 😒

If he insists on splitting the cost EVERY-SINGLE-TIME, he’s not the one. Period.

2. He seems distracted during conversations.

7 Subtle Signs He's Not the One That You Shouldn't Ignore

How well you communicate is one of the prime identifiers of a healthy relationship, and without it, most relationships are bound to fail.

So, signs of distraction during conversations should never be taken lightly. Sure, he might have come to meet you after a tough day at work, but it surely doesn’t mean he’s allowed to bail out on every conversation.

One of the most subtle signs he’s not the one is a lack of interest when you talk to him.

If he’s not interested in your day or the things that matter to you… Then exactly what is he interested in?

Things like playing on his phone, saying filler words, lack of eye contact, and appearing to be bored out of his mind while you’re talking to him are all signs of this.

If you notice your man doing these things often, he’s probably not as interested in you as you may have thought he was.

3. He hardly texts or calls first.

What type of relationship do you really have if you’re the one that has to initiate conversations all the time?

I get that people are busy, but if your man rarely ever calls or texts first to see how you’re doing or what you’re doing, then he’s likely not as into you as you think.

People find time to stay in touch with the people they enjoy spending time with.

Excuses such as “Sorry, work’s been crazy lately… I was out with the boys the whole weekend… I’ve been at the gym” are subtle indicators that this relationship is not going to work out.

He obviously has a priority list…and you’re at the very bottom of it.

4. He insists on not posting about your relationship on social media… and makes excuses to avoid meeting your loved ones…

7 Subtle Signs He's Not the One That You Shouldn't Ignore

This is a clear indicator of a one-sided relationship.

If he keeps coming up with excuses to not meet your friends and family, then the idea may not be that important to him. And insisting you not post him on social media and vice versa, what’s that about? Is he hiding you?

I can tell you this, both of those things are signs that he likely doesn’t view you as a serious girlfriend.

Meeting your friends and family and posting pics on social media is taking the relationship in a direction that he doesn’t want to go in.

Sure, his feelings could change, but if this lingers for weeks or even months, then he’s obviously not the one for you.

5. You don’t think about him when he’s not around.

This sign he’s not the one for you is all about how you feel on the inside.

When you truly like someone, the person is likely to be on your mind quite often.

It’s not uncommon to catch yourself daydreaming about your future or checking your phone to see if he texted you.

If you don’t think about your man every so often when you’re not together, then chances are you’re not that into him.

But that’s okay.

We can’t control how we feel, we can only control how we act.

Don’t force the relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

6. He turns down your advances.

Contrary to popular belief, men are not always “in the mood.”

But if a man frequently turns down your sexual advances he’s probably:

  • Not that attracted to you.
  • Getting it from somewhere.
  • He’s secretly gay.

With that being said, no matter the reason “why” one thing is clear. Sexual attraction can’t be forced, and a relationship without it is destined to fail.

Do yourself a favor and pull the plug before you end up with low self-esteem and start questioning “why the hell doesn’t he find me attractive?!!”

7. Netflix and Chill has become a reality.

It’s all fun and games until you realize all your dates have literally turned into staying at home, watching Netflix and chilling.

You should never have to talk a man into taking you out on a real date.

If he never plans dates or wants to take you out, take it as an indication that he’s not the one for you.

Unless you both prefer quiet evenings at home relaxing with each other. Then it’s perfectly fine because that’s your preference as a couple and you’re doing what makes you BOTH happy.


I’m a firm believer that everyone has a soulmate. So you should never ignore these signs he’s not the one and linger in a dead end relationship.

Don’t be afraid to exit relationships when you and your mate obviously aren’t compatible. You should never try to force love. You should never try to force compatibility.

If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Move on and find the person that’s right for you.

The man of your dreams could be right around the corner…

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