The No Contact Rule: 7 Reasons It's the Most Important Step in Breakup Recovery

The No Contact Rule: 7 Reasons It’s the Most Important Step in Breakup Recovery

Posted by in Black Love Advice

Breakups are usually hard. A bond is broken, our hearts are aching. We just lost a friend and a lover.

The hurt is very real.

To try to ease the discomfort we feel during the initial stages of a breakup many of us make a costly mistake: Staying in contact with our exes.

Ladies, we aren’t here to mince words and discuss the likelihood of being friends with your ex. We’re here to tell you the truth… After a breakup, you need to break contact, at least for a month at the bare minimum.

This is effective in helping you heal, move on, and rediscover yourself. In fact, cutting off contact is highly recommended by psychologist and relationship experts around the world.

Referred to as the “No Contact Rule” it is the most important step to take if you really want to get over your ex.

Yes, it’s going to be frustrating, yes, it will be painful, but guess what? It’s 100% necessary.

Today, we’re going to talk about the no contact rule and why it works.

Let’s start with this proven benefit…

1. Out of sight… Out of mind…

I would be lying if I told you that the no contact rule is easy to follow.

It is hard because the person who was your source of comfort is now the very reason you are facing discomfort.

Naturally, as you have likely done during the relationship, you will want to be close to them so they can help ease your pain.

But that’s over.

It’s time to move on and begin to find new ways to relieve stress and discomfort.

So it’s a must that you bite the bullet and cut off every form of contact including, calling, texting, and chatting on social media.

Anything that reminds you of your ex is going to cause heartache or nostalgia, and that is going to make you want to get in touch with him.

Which leads me to my next point…

2. It gives you clarity.

Following the disciplines of the no contact rule will let you clear your head and gradually eliminate confusion.

Since one of the things that people tend to do after a breakup is romanticize the relationship, not being in contact with your ex will help you objectively process the breakup.

Remember this: Your ex is your ex for a reason, and if it’s for good reasons the no contact rule will help those reasons come to the surface by eliminating the typical romanticizing that happens soon after a breakup.

3. The no contact rule keeps you from rekindling old feelings.

The No Contact Rule: 7 Reasons It's the Most Important Step in Breakup Recovery

No Contact isn’t easy because even though your mind may know that the relationship with your ex is over… Your body doesn’t.

And since your body doesn’t “know” that you are broken up, you’re going to experience some withdrawal symptoms.

Scientific research has found that the feeling of love affects our brain the same way cocaine does by activating the same neural pathways.

Crazy, right?

No wonder why some people swear off relationships forever. But YOU are not one of those people, and your aim is to get your ex out of your mind and out of your system so that you can make yourself available to love again.

That’s going to be hard to do if you keep ending up in his bed. Which is usually how on-again off-again relationships begin.

Speaking of that…

4. It prevents you from falling into an on-again off-again relationship.

There’s no if, and’s, or but’s about it, you should never allow yourself to get involved in an on-again off-again relationship. In the end, it will likely strip you of a piece of your dignity, a piece of your sanity, and even your ability to love and trust again.

No, I’m not exaggerating.

On and Off again relationships are toxic, and you should avoid them at all cost.

5. It keeps you in control of the situation.

No matter how you feel during a breakup, DO NOT dare bombard your ex with messages and calls pleading for him to take you back. If you do this, your ex will have the upper hand and realize that he’s in control.

As a result, you’ll likely be left feeling desperate and needy. Sadly, your ex may try to manipulate and take advantage of you at this point.

6. It makes you available for other romantic relationships.

You deserve to be happy. No matter how relationships have turned out in your past, it is still possible to find the love and appreciation you deserve.

Your ex may have been a liar and a cheater, or maybe you were just incompatible. Regardless of the reasons that doesn’t mean you have to be single for the rest of your life.

When you don’t follow the tenets of the no contact rule and keep in touch with your ex, it’s possible to find yourself holding onto something that isn’t there.

Which closes you off to finding true love.

Once a relationship ends, you should allow your heart to heal and then give way for a new love interest to come into your life.

7. The no contact rule lets you be yourself again.

The No Contact Rule: 7 Reasons It's the Most Important Step in Breakup Recovery

Last but not least, you should follow through with the no contact rule because it will once again allow you to be who you are, free from expectations from others.

When we are in a relationship for an extended period of time, we tend to pick up some of our partner’s characters tics and values.

After a breakup, it’s time for you to be selfish and rediscover who you were before the relationship claimed a part of you for itself.


Does the no contact rule work? The answer to that question is unequivocally YES.

But that doesn’t mean that it won’t be difficult to follow through with.

However, if you truly want to move on from your last relationship, you have to be prepared to stick to the no contact rule.

If you don’t, you’re probably setting yourself up for another heartbreak.

Trust me, you’ll thank yourself later for not contacting your ex.

It’s time to move on.

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