RSS
The Truth About How Men Deal With Breakups (He Likely Doesn't Even Realize These Things)

The Truth About How Men Deal With Breakups (He Likely Doesn’t Even Realize These Things)

Posted by in Black Love Advice

When a couple breaks up, most of the time it’s a painful experience.

That’s true if you were together for ten months or ten years.

One myth about breakups is that women are the only ones that deal with the pain and heartbreak associated with breaking up.

That’s simply not true, men just suffer through the pain in different ways.

Here’s how men deal with breakups… Most of them don’t even know these things about themselves…

1. They wonder what they did wrong.

Men intensely want to succeed. They often judge themselves based on their achievements.

Unfortunately, they also tend to have fragile egos (whether they realize it or not.)

Chances are, after a breakup, he’s playing expert analyst trying to figure out what he did wrong.

Even if a guy outwardly says that it’s all her fault, deep down he’s still probably wondering what he could have done differently.

No man likes to lose, whether it’s at work, on the basketball court, or in a relationship.

2. They tend to make erratic and irrational decisions.

The Truth About How Men Deal With Breakups (He Likely Doesn't Even Realize These Things)

When bad things happen, we all want to convince ourselves that everything is okay.

We want to reclaim our freedom and sense of security, or in a guy’s case, his manhood.

Men have all kinds of ways to try to do this. Some are funny and harmless, and others can be downright self-destructive.

He might show up with a new haircut or rocking a new tattoo. He might join a gym, quit a gym, change gyms or buy a new car. He might take a trip or decide to upend his career or his home.

While this isn’t the time for making significant changes to your life, there is likely nothing anyone can say to stop him.

He is just trying to convince himself that he is still in control.

The best scenario is that someone he trusts gently nudges him towards making good decisions.

3. They go through the typical stages of a breakup…even though they don’t realize it…

Going through a breakup is a major life event.

It’s not something that you can get over in an hour or a day, no matter how tough a guy thinks he is.

Frankly, most men don’t realize that they’re going to have to do the work to get over their previous relationship.

That means he’s got to go through all the stages of grief including denial, anger, bargaining, depression and ultimately, acceptance.

But, when a guy goes through a breakup, he wants to feel better immediately. There’s no substitute for time though.

He needs to process all of the feelings of the breakup.

The first feeling, denial, he will likely try to convince himself that this isn’t happening.

During this time, he might try to get back with his ex, (If the two continue to hang out or get physical, it might lead to an on-again off-again relationship.)

Next, he’ll feel angry for a while, followed by bargaining.

The bargaining stage is a bit tricky since this is the stage where he might say he’ll do anything to get his ex back.

Finally, he will mope for a while about how terrible life is and how he has nothing to look forward to.

He might not realize it, but this is the final stage before he can accept that the relationship is over and move on.

Understand that as a man goes through these feelings, he’s going through a normal process that finally lets him get over the breakup and onto a new life.

There’s no time frame for how long this takes though.

4. They want to talk about it… But only with someone they trust…

Women often feel alone when going through a breakup.

No one likes to feel that way, including men, no matter how much they like to pretend that they don’t need emotional support.

When going through a breakup, he definitely wants someone to talk to.

Someone he trusts, someone that won’t judge him for the mistakes he made in the relationship. Someone that won’t judge him for being emotional.

Ultimately, talking it out is healthy.

It can be hard to listen to though, especially if you feel like his actions are what caused the breakup or if he wants to tell the same story over and over again.

But he needs to get it out.

Letting a guy friend tell you about the things that went wrong in his relationship can help him process his feelings and find a way to move on.

5. They miss their ex but don’t want to admit it.

Ultimately, when a guy goes through a breakup, he has to adjust to a new life.

He might not have appreciated her before, but he’ll suddenly notice that his ex really did do a lot of things for him.

As the saying goes: “You don’t know what you got until it’s gone.”

Of course, this might make him start the bargaining phase all over again where he desperately wants the relationship back.

Hopefully, though, it will help him appreciate the next woman that enters his life.

6. They are insecure right after a breakup.

Men want to pretend that they’re cool and confident, but they all have flashes of insecurity at times.

This can be especially true after a breakup.

No doubt, post-breakup he has some doubts about himself, his abilities to form relationships and maybe even his sexual prowess.

This is true even if he pretends that he isn’t wrestling with these insecurities.

If you’re helping a guy friend through a breakup, reassure him that he’s a wonderful and loveable person and that he’ll find the right one when the time is right.

7. They seek out a rebound relationship or a quick fling.

The Truth About How Men Deal With Breakups (He Likely Doesn't Even Realize These Things)

When it comes to how men deal with breakups, this is one of the primary tactics they use

He wants to prove that he’s “still got it.”

He wants to get his mind off of the hurt he’s feeling.

Unfortunately, a lot of women end up getting their hearts broken by taking men serious that are only looking for a distraction from the pain they are experiencing from a recent breakup.

If you meet a guy that recently broke up with his girlfriend, proceed with caution.

Conclusion

Without a doubt going through a breakup is one of the most painful things that happens in life.

Experts agree that breakups can literally cause physical pain as well as emotional.

There’s no easy way to put it, breakups are hard on the body and hard on the soul.

As much as guys like to pretend that everything is okay, it isn’t.

Even if he can’t find the words, he likely needs some TLC right now, especially if he had a lot invested in the relationship.

If you have a guy friend going through a breakup the best advice you can give him is to exercise, get plenty of rest, and don’t make any bad decisions to try to alleviate the pain or prove that he’s “still got it…”

Unfortunately, masking their pain and heartbreak behind alcohol, flings and bad decisions… Seems to be how men deal with breakups…

Tags: , , , ,