Let me start this article off by saying: He will never tell you any of this.
In fact, he’s dying to read this article, but he would never let you catch him doing it, and he certainly won’t admit to wanting to find out if his deep, dark secrets are being revealed.
Well, he won’t tell you…but I will…
But first, two warnings:
First, this isn’t a complete list. But I think these are the two biggest fears many men have. (I’m working on articles about a few of the others right now…)
Second, I’m not telling you this so you can shame him… I’m doing this so you can help him.
But you have to be a little sneaky about it so that he doesn’t know.
In the end, just continue to love him the same. He worships the ground you walk on, and believe me, he knows a few of your dark and dirty secrets too.
Now on to the juicy parts, shall we?
Here are the two things that terrify all men… That they refuse to tell the women they love…
GUY FEAR #1: My sexual desires are NOT okay.
I won’t tell you that old thing about how guys want waaay more sex than women do because it’s actually not true.
Women want it, we just want it under different terms. On the other hand, he just… wants it… Every possible way he can imagine it.
With your co-workers, your hair stylist, the waitress at the restaurant (definitely the waitress), the early 20 something woman snapping her gum behind the cash register. He’s even had a dirty fantasy about that weird shopping cart lady.
Sex movies of every description (multiple lovers, bondage, fetish, you name it) run in his brain nearly all the time, and sometimes what’s showing on the screen shocks even him.
Deep down, he’s terrified that he wants sex too much, or in the wrong ways, with the wrong people. His sex drive is a formidable machine, and it’s a testament to his power that he doesn’t let it drive his life…only his brain.
What YOU can do to help him.
Creating an atmosphere of openness in your intimate life with him is the first step in making him feel less scared about his sexual desires.
I’m not saying you have to DO everything that he FANTASIZES about, but be willing to ask him to talk about his fantasies. Invite him to give you steamy details. Even the act of sharing can be a tremendous gift of sexual energy between the two of you.
Help him learn to make YOU the star of his sexual mind shows.
Now I’m not saying it’s easy.
Most women don’t know enough about men’s sexual triggers and appetite to make themselves the sole focus of his sexual fantasies and desires.
But it’s definitely possible.
And finally, don’t forget to let him know that you’re sexually satisfied! If you can do this, he’s going to become so riveted by you he’ll never want to let you go.
EVERY man wants to know he can sexually satisfy his woman. If he doesn’t feel like he satisfies you in bed, he’ll quickly lose interest and go search for an ego boost in another woman’s bed.
Sad… But true…
GUY FEAR #2: Other men will think I’m weak.
Most people think that it’s easy being a man.
But, even though they refuse to show it they’re usually under a lot of pressure both internally and externally, and they don’t want to fail.
They’re expected to make a respectable paycheck, make us feel secure, (not think about sex to much), be tough, be brave, support the winning team, overcome all the obstacles in their way, scare away the bad guys, and never show fatigue, fear, or ANYthing except sheer strength and confidence.
It’s a lot to live up to… It’s impossible to live up to actually.
And yet that’s the challenge they hear every single day. And if they don’t answer it – actually DOMINATE it – their fear is that they will be publicly shamed, humiliated, despised… Not so much by you or by other women (although they hate the idea of that, too), but by other MEN.
But that doesn’t mean YOU don’t have power.
Every man wants a woman who is unreservedly, whole-heartedly ON HIS SIDE. Your support adds to his power and gives him the confidence to face his challenges.
As the saying goes: What’s a King without a Queen?
What YOU can do to help him.
I have a question for you: if he’s fighting on the field of his life, do you ever even show up to his game?
And if you do, can he hear your enthusiastic, genuine support for him?
I’m not saying you have to actually get out your cheerleader skirt and shimmy and shout (although he’ll probably appreciate that, see #1 above! Lol), but there IS a way to let him know you see how hard he works, and you want him to win.
Encourage him to tell you about his daily battles. Lean in and attentively soak up every bit. Ask for details. Don’t multitask while you’re doing this; give him your full focus. Be his fan, be a non-judgemental ear, someone he can comfortably open up to, (something most men lack in life. Guys don’t tend to talk about what stresses them, or their fears with other guys as us women do in support of each other.)
And offer him your sincere admiration. Let him know how strong you think he is, how amazing his accomplishments and abilities are.
If you can make him feel like you believe in him and are on his side no matter what, you are going to make him ADDICTED to you.
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus… So it’s no shock that men can be difficult to understand and interpret.
However, some women have unlocked the secrets of what’s really going on in the minds of men, and it has drastically changed their love lives and relationships.
The two places I’ve seen the psychology of men broken down the best are:
First, relationship expert Michael Fiore’s video “3 Steps To Make A Man Love You.”
In it, he reveals how his girlfriend made him fall for her HARD even though he was “playing the field” and thought he’d never settle down.
Michael goes on to lay out his theory on how a woman can make a man not just “fall” for her… But actually make him so addicted to her to the point that HE decides he WANTS to be serious…
Really good stuff and definitely worth the watch. You can check it out here.
Second, our book “Secrets Revealed: The Uncut Truth That Will Change Your Love Life Forever” penned by our writer Quentin Witt.
For this book, we conducted interviews with over 100 black men from different walks of life to gain insights into their thoughts about love, marriage, relationships, sex, commitment and a host of other topics.
The best part… None of them knew they were being interviewed until after the fact, so we received some of the most candid answers you will ever hear from men.
If you’re sick of “Bad Boys,” “Players” guys that won’t commit or just want to gain a better understanding of men you should check out the links above.
Thanks for reading my article ladies.
Until next time,